DEALING WITH DIVORCE

While most churches don't condone divorce, religious leaders have come to realize it is a growing occurrence. New research by Barna Research Group shows that more Christians will have experienced divorce than non-Christians.

Divorce has become an unfortunate reality in America, said the Rev. Art Hunt, pastor of Christ Evangelical Presbyterian Church in Cape Girardeau. "It's obvious in our culture that something is wrong."

Local churches are in the position of dealing with the tension of condemning the action of divorce but not condemning the person affected by it, Hunt said.

"The question is, how do you remain faithful to the Scriptures and teachings of Jesus and still reach out to be gracious and helpful?" he said.

Churches can offer tips and tools for saving marriages from divorce, but it doesn't mean people will take advantage of them or that they'll be receptive to the message when it's presented, religious leaders say.

Some churches have found that offering marriage seminars helps couples. Many Cape Girardeau churches participate in Marriage Savers, a program designed to counsel engaged or newly-wed couples before a wedding or early in the marriage so that they won't be as apt to seek divorce later. Other churches offer seminars to people who have been divorced or are separated and want some sort of help dealing with their loss.

"Our goal is to try and help preserve or save your marriage," Hunt said. "But if we can't save it, humanly speaking the next step is to help save you."

Pastors and counselors try to salvage a marriage if at all possible because divorce wasn't God's original intent, Hunt said. "But sometimes by the time they see me, it won't happen."

Nationally, Barna Research Group Ltd.'s statistics show more born-again Christians 27 percent will be divorced at least once in their life. Twenty-four percent of non-Christians reported being divorced.

Divorce is more common in the Bible Belt than other areas of the nation. Non-denominational Protestants and Baptists reported a higher percentage of divorce among their members, according to the 1999 survey.

Divorce is a tricky subject for many churches because they often don't know how to handle the situation. Because of interpersonal dynamics and tensions created when couples divorce, most churches end up losing contact with one or both people.

And people who have been divorced often say they felt abandoned by their church, Hunt added. It's not necessarily true, but that's how people perceive it to be.

"Usually the church is not telling them the door is closed. They make the decision that they either don't come back because of the church's teachings, which they don't want to accept, or the interpersonal stuff. The church usually gets blamed for all that," he said.

Hunt's congregation offers a DivorceCare seminar twice yearly for people who have been separated or are going through a divorce. Beginning Experience is a coping program offered primarily through area Catholic parishes, but is open to all faiths. It began locally about 15 years ago.

Beginning Experience offers a six-week series and then a retreat weekend twice yearly for anyone who wants to participate. The series helps people move through their grief over the loss of a spouse whether it is from divorce or death, said Pat Lee.

The sessions talk about reconciliation of life and faith, she added.

Reconciliation of life and faith is probably the most important aspect of any ministry to divorced people.

Scripture teaches that divorce is a last option, not the first or second or third. The Bible sets forth a standard that God has, but most people live far beneath that, Hunt said.

Divorce

Barna Research Group Ltd. surveyed 4,000 people by telephone during 1999 to determine if people of religious affiliation and beliefs are more likely than others to experience divorce.

The study showed that 27 percent of born-again Christians reported to have been divorced.

Only 24 percent of non-Christians reported divorce.

A related survey showed that 15 percent of Protestant pastors have been divorced.

Percentage of divorce

by religious affiliation

Non-denominational Protestant

34%

Jews

30%

Baptist

29%

Mainline Protestant churches overall

25%

Mormon

24%

Catholic

21%

Lutheran

21%

Atheists and agnostics

21%