STRIKE ZONE: NEED TO HIT A NHL REF? PLAN ON JUST TWO STRIKES

Tradition is in, the NHL governors say.

But dead octopuses are out.

Plastic rats are out.

And you get just two shots at the referee.

The league's additions to the rulebook are hot off the printing presses this week. Among the highlights is the anti-rat, anti-octopus clause.

Officials can now level a 2-minute delay-of-game penalty against the home team if a game is stopped because of objects thrown onto the ice. Thank Florida's rat pack and the Detroit Red Wings' octopus posse for creating cause for that one. Both littered the ice at every chance last season with dead and/or plastic animals.

But, the NHL says, it's still OK to throw hats onto the ice when a player gets a hat trick. That's a long-standing tradition, the NHL says.

Apparently, Detroit fans have thrown octopuses after Red Wings goals since the 1950s. Sounds just as traditional as hat throwing, only with an extra `squishy' noise when the dead octopus hits the ice.

Ahh, the beauty of the NHL.

Also new to the NHL rulebook is a referee-bashing category. Under the new rule, a player can be charged with "game misconduct" for his abuse of an official. Two game-misconduct violations would result in an automatic one-game suspension.

In other words, the NHL seems to be saying, if you go after a ref, make the first punch count. The second one means suspension.

Sadness, Part I

Nebraska turned to an old tune as a possible cause for the Cornhuskers' loss to Arizona State last week.

Assistant coach Charlie McBride said Arizona State was able to move the ball with ease against an NU defense that has fallen victim of NCAA cutbacks.

Say that again?

"You've got all the college presidents making the rules for the time allotment for us to practice, so you're not going to see as good a football overall in this country," he told the Associated Press. "It's going to start going down. It's going to be a little harder to get players. All the things that are going to happen are really going to hit us hard at Nebraska."

Where were those complaints during Nebraska's 26-game winning streak?

Sadness, Part II

It's gotten bad enough in Dallas that even Southern Methodist football looks appealing.

Even the Texans are taking shots at the defending NFL champion Cowboys, who are 1-3.

From Fort Worth Star-Telegram writer/antagonizer Gil LeBreton: "If Owner (Jerry) Jones reinvented the football, as many boot licking Cowboys fans believe, he will think of something. He must.

"He will sign a blockbuster deal. `Yugo, the Official Car of Texas Stadium,' or something. He will restructure contracts, promising NFL paydays into the next millennium. He will sue the city of Irvin -- over the DART money, over the stadium expansion, over allowing Jim Dent's book to be sold at the local Barnes and Noble. Whatever."

The football world will no doubt set aside a moment of silence to observe the passing of Nebraska and the Cowboys, the mighty powers that be.

That way, when we snicker as they lose, we can at least say we gave them their due.

Jamie Hall is a sports writer for the Southeast Missourian