STRIKE ZONE: IT'S NICE TO FINALLY LOSE THE STICK AND BALL SPORTS FALLACY

The Every-Sports-Phreak's-Network -- ESPN -- went astray for just a few minutes last week.

Wedged between American Muscle Magazine and a rerun of some foreign auto race, ESPN went berserk. Completely lost its mind.

And broadcast a spelling bee.

Complete with images of girls in dresses and boys in slacks-and-tie outfits, all trying to spell words America has never heard, the TV Sports Gods brought us tape-delayed action from a national championship spelling bee.

The competitors, nerves clearly withered under the pressure of a TV camera, walked one-by-one to the podium. They received their challenge, questioned it, answered it and sat.

There were no trophy girls or cheerleaders or pep bands. No screaming coaches on the sidelines. No fans screaming foul language and throwing things onto the stage.

None of the competitors did any victory dances. Nobody grabbed their crotch. Nobody spit wads of tobacco onto the hardwood stage floor.

Even after it was all said and done, the winner didn't seem so important.

Maybe that's for the best.

No doubt the show was caught on tape by parents, grandparents and school teachers who probably never thought twice -- at least thought nothing positive -- about a sports channel.

And the kids who, on stage, looked like future leaders of America likely rushed home, went straight to the VCR and spent an afternoon watching themselves on tape.

Certainly no harm in that. Better that they watch themselves on tape -- where they're expanding their minds, challenging their senses -- than watching Albert Belle throw a fit, hearing Marge Schott run at the mouth, or wondering why Dennis Rodman wears women's clothes.

Role models they're not. The kid spellers have the edge there.

In a season of NHL playoffs, NBA playoffs and the weeding out of the good and bad in the Major Leagues, a sports fan this time of year is a happy fan.

But takes sports as a whole and, in the realm of all that is competition, a half-hour of Kids' Sports Today or a national cheerleading contest isn't such a bad thing. They don't necessarily have to hit one another or be able to bench press 500 pounds to be considered sportsmen.

If only the competitors have a desire to win, and the grace to accept anything else, then it's worth watching.

Potpourri ....

The long-winded, over-the-edge version of the national anthem Sunday by Kenny G got unimpressive reviews.

Kenny G, the famed fuzzy-haired saxophonist and resident of Seattle, seemed to go nuts in several spots of the national anthem prior to Sunday's Bulls-SuperSonics NBA game. He held one high note for over a full minute.

It got awfully tiring and bordered on ridiculous -- and it showed on the sidelines when players began moving around, even grabbing basketballs.

Add Kenny G to the club of celebs who shouldn't attempt to perform national anthems before sporting events. He'll certainly have good company.

Jamie Hall is a sports writer for the Southeast Missourian