Sideline chatter 9/11/03

Warner woke up as QB of political-arena league

St. Louis Rams coach Mike Martz should have suspected Kurt Warner had suffered a concussion during Sunday's opening-day loss to the Giants when his quarterback kept answering play-call questions with random utterances such as:

"Who am I? What am I doing here?"

"Gridlock!" and

"I'm out of ammunition on this one."

The clincher came after the game, however, when Warner cut short his media briefing to take a congratulatory phone call from President Perot.

Trash talk? Cane-do

Ex-Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin says it is probably no coincidence that Jeremy Shockey, the Giants' loose-lipped tight end, is a fellow former Miami Hurricane.

"My first day at Miami, after I got through signing up for all the classes you need to take, they took me over to this other building," Irvin told ESPN Radio's Dan Patrick. "That's where I signed up for Trash Talk 101. That was the one class I aced."

Tear-away Jersey Dept.

It's a dream job, says former NFL star Lawrence Taylor. He's the coach of Team Euphoria, one of the scantily-clad teams competing in the pay-per-view Lingerie Bowl on Super Bowl Sunday.

"This will revolutionize the way the Super Bowl will be viewed," L.T. told AP.

"Who would not want to watch attractive women playing tackle football in lingerie?"

Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch can answer that one: "Our wives?"

Kiss-off at kickoff

Britney Spears lip-locked Madonna at the Video Music Awards, but Hank Williams Jr. couldn't even get a peck during Britney's debut on the "Monday Night Football" intro.

This evidence suggests that you won't melt a woman's heart with the pickup line, "Are You Ready For Some Football?"

They said it

Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post, after watching the Ohio State marching band perform at the Broncos' season-opening 30-10 win in Cincinnati: "And, I might add, (the tuba player) did a nice job of dotting the exclamation point in 'Bengals Stink!' "

Ron Kittle, White Sox announcer and former big-leaguer, to The Plain Dealer while watching the Indians warm up: "I don't know one guy on that team. My dog is older than half of them."

Broncos tight end Shannon Sharpe, on ESPN's latest addition to its "NFL Sunday Countdown" show: "I don't know if Rush Limbaugh knows the difference between a screen porch and a screen play, but we'll see."

Score one for the coach

Said Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville, whose highly touted football team has yet to produce a touchdown in starting 0-2: "If we can't score points, we can't win ballgames."

Added Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel: "Tuberville will expound later this week on whether you can make lemonade without lemons or buy a new car without a school booster."

Next up: Jimmy Spencer

Hottest ring rumor floating around is that Oscar De La Hoya, after disposing of Shane Mosley in Las Vegas on Saturday, will seek a unification bout for the Big Four of alphabet-soup boxing organizations: WBA, WBC, IBF, NASCAR.

Stripped of their title

White Thorn Lodge in Beaver Falls, Pa., hosted the 33rd annual Nude Volleyball Superbowl last weekend, adding "full frontal" to the term "side out."

The defending champs, we hear, had the usual lament after getting rebuffed: They just couldn't get the bounces. -- Dwight Perry,

Seattle Times