Sideline chatter 9/10/03

Foudy's flush with good ideas

Midfielder Julie Foudy, just as relentless in the political arena as she is on a soccer field, finally met her match during a meeting of the Secretary of Education's Commission on Opportunity in Athletics in Washington, D.C., in January.

The U.S. national team star, a member of the committee empaneled to study Title IX on its 30th anniversary, needed to take a bathroom break during a meeting -- and was horrified to learn that a procedural vote had been taken during her brief absence.

USA Today recorded her subsequent remarks: "I'm going to request that a Port-a-Potty be brought in here, please, so I can vote.

"Two knocks means yes."

He's on auto pilot

There's no reason the New York Jets can't be in the AFC East driver's seat, coach Herman Edwards says, even if 39-year-old retread Vinny Testaverde had to be pulled from the trunk to replace injured starting quarterback Chad Pennington.

"You don't invest that much time to say, 'You have a flat tire, so your car doesn't work,'" Edwards told Newsday. "You get a new tire, one of those little spares, the little skinny ones you can drive on.

"You're only supposed to drive a couple of hours, but some people drive for a whole month on it."

Future schlock

Before this NFL season is finished, the Chicago Daily Herald's Mike Imrem predicts that:

"Someone will point out Terrell Terrell would be possible if same-position marriages were legalized.

"The Vikings will clinch on a Sunday and relocate to Los Angeles on Monday.

"The Pentagon will take one look at new Soldier Field and demand it be renamed Gen. Custer Stadium.

"Maurice Clarett and Drew Henson will start for the AFC in the Pro Bowl.

"Phil Mickelson will try out for Peyton Manning's job until the Colts realize he can't win the big one either."

Landing in the drink

Q&A with Darren Clarke, the Northern Irishman who won golf's NEC Invitational on Aug. 24:

Q: Have any plans for that $1.05 million you just won?

A: That won't last very long. I think I'll be running through most of that tonight.

Q: Have you ever won back-to-back tournaments?

A: It's taken longer than five days to sober up, so probably not.

They said it

Denver tight end Shannon Sharpe, on the $40.7 million contract that the Broncos gave free-agent quarterback Jake Plummer: "I think Mike (Shanahan) and the organization have put a lot of eggs in his basket. We just hope he doesn't trip on the way to the market."

Larry Stewart of the Los Angeles Times, on Detroit's Toledo farm team declining to sign golfer/pitcher Phil Mickelson: "It's once again apparent Mickelson will never be a Tiger."

CBS's Armen Keteyian, to the Los Angeles Times, sensing he's becoming Roseanne Barr in a "Baywatch" world: "It seems the sideline reporter has become an ornament. It's more about your body than your body of work."

Reggie Hayes of the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel, on how Rockford set a single-game Division III scoring record Saturday: "Trinity Bible College ... utilized its 'Parting of the Red Sea' defense."

Head of the crass

Now comes word that Ted Williams' daughter, Claudia, cast the deciding vote to have the slugger's frozen body decapitated.

For once, maybe it wasn't such a good thing that cooler heads prevailed.

-- Dwight Perry, The Seattle Times