Sideline chatter 8/19/03

He's an X-soccer player

X-Games skateboarder Shaun White, 16, credits his soccer-playing days for putting him where he is today, telling The Associated Press:

"I remember I showed up at one game late and some other kid's mom said to me, 'You better get out there and you better score!' I was like, 'You gave us terrible (driving) directions, you know?'

"It gets intense. There's like a snack day when a certain parent brings snacks for the kids. It was like a battle of who's got the best snacks."

You can't call that fishing

Two Vicksburg, Miss., men were arrested for illegal fishing on the Big Black River by state wildlife conservation officers after the two were caught using a phone inside a snuff can as a remote-control device to shock their prey.

"There are no lower guys in the world," wildlife spokesman Jim Walker told the Biloxi Sun-Herald. "Telephone fishing is a coward way of doing it."

But to these guys' credit, hackneyed Ma Bell terms such as "cell plan," "reach out and touch someone" and "it's for you -- on Line 2!" suddenly have whole new meanings.

Hopefully, they used their one allowable phone cast -- er, call -- to land themselves a trophy lawyer and get the roaming charges dropped.

Moral of the story: Don't let your fingers do the shocking.

Right up kid alley

The Oakland Tribune reported that Jesse Grabow, the son of Golden State Warriors strength coach Mark Grabow, bowled a 257 this year -- at age 5.

What's next, golfing his age before he reaches 21?

Cut from the squad

Elvis Presley quit his high-school football team in Memphis, Tenn., in the 1950s, The Commercial Appeal reported, because the coach ordered him to get a haircut. "Don't be cruel, coach," cracked Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle. "Yes, Elvis was between a hard place and rock."

Tackling the CFL deficit

For the second time in three weeks, the Canadian Football League has had to take over control of one of its floundering franchises.

The good news is, when the Toronto Argonauts and Hamilton Tiger-Cats next hook up Sept. 1, CFL commissioner Tom Wright can rightfully claim: "We beat ourselves today!"

Talking the talk

Bill Scheft of Sports Illustrated, on boxer Mike Tyson filing for bankruptcy: "He's so broke, his next face tattoo has to be in red ink."

NBC's Jay Leno, on Karl Malone saying he signed with the Lakers because he wanted to get a ring: "So I guess he's hoping that Kobe cheats on him, too."

Ex-UW football coach Rick Neuheisel, to the Denver Post, on his future plans: "I want to land on my feet. It beats the heck out of the alternative."

Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the beleaguered Portland Trail Blazers cooking up a code of conduct for their players: "Which is nice, but did you ever try to read one of those things when you're stoned?"

Pucks and putts

Peter Forsberg, the Colorado Avalanche star, unveiled his pride and joy with a bunch of his NHL friends on Saturday -- the $5 million, 7,195-yard Veckefjarden golf course he commissioned along the scenic High Coast in Ornskoldsvik, Sweden.

We can't vouch for the other 17, but word has it that Veckefjarden boasts the mother of all five-holes.

-- Dwight Perry,

Seattle Times