Sideline chatter

Been there, done that

Andy Massa of Hudson, Mass., lost his $130,000-a-year job when the Evidian software company downsized, so now he works at a variety of places just to make ends meet -- such as in a golf-course pro shop for $8 an hour.

"It's a lot simpler and less challenging than it used to be, but I've learned to be humble," Massa, 58, told The Associated Press. "I see guys coming onto the golf course wound pretty tight. They're guys who come in and are late for their tee times, and they expect me to do something.

"I enjoy dealing with people who remind me what I used to be like."

Paddling the competition

In case you missed it, the Dominican Republic unseated them all -- defending men's champ Barbados, women's champ Venezuela and 19-time champ Jamaica -- to sweep team and individual honors at the 43rd Caribbean Table Tennis Championships last week in Jamaica. That monkey witnesses insist they saw hopping off the triumphant Dominicans' back was obviously the King Kong of Ping-Pong.

Proof is in the putting

According to Men's Health magazine, one of two golfers has played a round while drunk at least once, one of three has crashed a golf cart and, in a lifetime, the average player will create 134,685 divots.

Statistic No. 1, we assume, factors heavily into Nos. 2 and 3.

Walk on the wild side

George Mattison of Mountain Brook, Ala., had a run-in with a bear and got attacked by a porcupine on his 132-day trek along the 2,167-mile Appalachian Trail, but that wasn't the scariest wildlife he encountered.

"I saw a lot of people, too," Mattison, 22, told the Birmingham News. "I saw a lot of weirdos. I talked with a lot of them, and some were a little shady. I was glad when we moved on."

Title, please

No, we checked the team's media guide and, sure enough, it says right there on Page 13 that Baseball Club of Seattle, L.P. -- and not Pedro Martinez -- owns the Mariners.

But thanks for asking.

Paterno's in another bowl

Penn State football coach Joe Paterno will be featured on Wheaties boxes, the cereal maker has announced.

Fellow septuagenarian Bobby Bowden of Florida State, not to be outdone, is reportedly lining up a deal to be featured on special-edition Wide-Left and Wide-Right boxes of Kix.

Open mike

Golfer Craig Stadler, to The Oregonian, after winning his first PGA Tour event since 1996 as well as a major on the Champions Tour, both less than 50 days after his 50th birthday: "It's the magical number -- get a good bottle of wine, turn 50 and you start playing well."

Herman Houston, to the Denver Post, on lessons he has imparted to son Marcus, the star running back at Colorado State: "Football is great, but you've got to get that degree. You can't eat your press clippings."

Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, to the San Francisco Chronicle, on Carmen Electra's claim that that she thinks about sex every 20 seconds: "That's why she and Dennis Rodman were so incompatible. He operates on a 24-second clock."

No slammer-dunk this time

Here's something to celebrate: Ten Most Wanted made sports headlines again last weekend -- and for once it wasn't an NBA player.

-- Dwight Perry, The Seattle Times