Outside voices

How does it feel, Orlando? How does it feel, Florida?

How does it feel to know you live in the absolute worst professional sports state in the union? How does it feel to know that the only thing worse than your schools are your teams?

It's no wonder our state bird is the mockingbird. There's one perched outside my window right now, mockingly chirping: "Our teams are awful; our fan support is even worse."

The State of Florida hasn't won a Super Bowl in nearly three decades. That team was the Dolphins of 1974 -- so long ago that Olivia Newton-John was at the top of the charts with "I Honestly Love You."

If Olivia were still singing today, she'd have a new song about Florida's sports franchises: "I Honestly Don't Give a Flying Flip About You."

Our baseball teams -- the Marlins and Devil Rays -- are on Bud Selig's chopping block.

Our losing hockey franchises -- the Panthers and Lightning -- are so far down the apathy meter you'd think they were in the XFL.

In the NFL, the Buccaneers fired their coach and couldn't hire Bill Parcells or Steve Spurrier. And the Jaguars are in such disarray, they made their franchise offensive tackle -- Tony Boselli -- available for the expansion draft.

Then we have our two beleaguered NBA franchises -- the Orlando Magic and the Miami Heat. One is up for sale; the other is down in the cellar.

If you take football out of the equation, all six of the other pro franchises are well below the league average in attracting fans.

Is there a solution or is this just another example of Florida being a rootless, rudderless state populated by people whose loyalties lie elsewhere?

Listen closely and you will hear the answer.

The mockingbird chirps.

Olivia sings.

MIKE BIANCHI The Orlando Sentinel