Curious to know Cardinals' fate? Why wait?

Baseball's regular season is like a bad day at traffic court (not that I would know). After a fingernail-chomping wait, it finally begins and the knowledge of who did what satisfies your curiosities and your boredom.

But let's just skip the regular season, jump in the way-forward machine and find out the fate of the four team bottleneck that is the National League Central race.

The Cubs ... well, they're the Cubs. If Dusty Baker can win there, he won't be the messiah everyone had prophesied. He'll be a god.

Oh, if only Ken Griffey Jr. could have stayed healthy. The Reds could've been a contender, but instead they shipped Jr. before Reds fans could say "bust."

The Astros satisfied their need for a bat with Jeff Kent and their fans with a need for a good season with a postseason berth. And that's it. It's a good thing Kent is signed next year, too.

The two words that best described the Cardinals at the beginning of the season: solidly shaky. There was no easy out in the strongest lineup in the league. The rotation and bullpen, however, were full of names and surgery scars that made fans cringe and say "yikes!" But now, Disney is trying to buy the rights to three comeback stories, and there is a movie about the 2003 World Champions due out next year.

You won't have to wait to discover your fate for the rest of the week either. It's all in front of you in your week ahead:

Today

OK, if you don't have tickets yet, make sure your cable is hooked up correctly, because you're not getting in. Trust me, I have standing-room- only seats, and I had to "pull some strings" for those. The most exciting day of the regular season is today: The Cards host the Brewers at 3:10 p.m.

I told you it would be here: Kelly at Notre Dame baseball in a local rivalry, 4 p.m.

Tuesday

Don't give your nemesis a loaded can of peanuts, glue his or her chair or try to tell her some exaggerated story. Instead, tell him the Central-Jackson baseball game is at the school's new field at 4 p.m. today. Now that's a good April Fool's Day joke. Or you could just be nice and admit it's at Central Junior High.

Wednesday

I know you can't get enough baseball, but let's mix it up a little bit. Go see a team that doesn't get enough publicity: Missouri visits the Southeast Missouri State University softball team to play the first of two games at 3 p.m.

Thursday

The Memphis Redbirds kick off their season on a Thursday when they host the most poorly named team is the history of team-naming: the Albuquerque Isotopes. The Zooperstars, "by far the fastest growing entertainment act in the country" according to a Web site, will be on hand to celebrate opening weekend. The Zooperstars are also the most sorry excuse for entertainment, so they'll fit right in. The first 5,000 fans receive a 2003 schedule magnet.

Friday

Southeast will host its two-day All-Sport Classic track and field meet starting today. If you've always wanted to see exactly how they throw a shot put or vault a pole, this is the event to see. It's the biggest event on the team's home schedule and the only home event this spring.

Saturday

It's family night when the race for the NL Central begins at Busch Stadium. All fans 15 and under will pick up a Cardinals T-shirt thanks to Coca-Cola. There will also be games and festivities in the Family Pavilion. Now that I think of it, the NL Central is kind of like a big family: the Manson family.

Opening night at Auto Tire and Parts NAPA Racepark in Benton, Mo., features events for all five classes on the oval track at 7 p.m. It's Kenny Rogers Children Center Night, and some of the night's proceeds benefit the center in Sikeston.

David Wilson is a sports writer for the Southeast Missourian and a student at Central High school. His column "The Week Ahead" appears every Monday.