100 things Iverson can do to be a 'true professional'

"If there are 100 things I have to do, I don't want to do 99. I want to do all 100."

-- Allen Iverson on media

The Philadelphia Daily News, using dogged investigative work, has uncovered the list of 100 things Iverson can do to be the "true professional" he yearns to be. The Daily News will settle for 51 and a parade down Broad Street.

1. Get to practice on time.

2. Every time.

3. Get to practice on time, every time, and participate.

4. Enthusiastically.

5. (Enough about practice, you gonna talk about prak-TISS 100 times? OK, a no-brainer.) Play hard every night.

6. Play unselfishly.

7. Play the right way.

8. When you come out for a rest, don't sulk.

9. Don't hide your head under a towel.

10. Sit near the coach.

11. When he talks, look him in the eye.

12. Downsize the posse.

13. Offer job-placement services to the guys you cut.

14. Encourage the guys you keep to develop life skills.

15. Apologize to reporter Phil Jasner for sneering at his basketball awareness at that infamous prak-TISS news conference.

16. Carry a little bell with you and tinkle it when you're about to say something you don't really mean.

17. Apologize to Larry Brown for bailing out on his Hall of Fame induction.

18. Send a limo for Eric Snow for taking your side when pestered about your practice habits.

19. Work out a deal with Larry Brown that for every minute you play over 40, you get 5 minutes off during the next practice.

20. Spend some time in the weight room.

21. Not to get bigger, just to get stronger.

22. Hire a driver for Derrick Coleman on road trips.

23. Declare a moratorium on new tattoos until you've won an NBA title.

24. Meet with C. Delores Tucker to discuss the lyrics on "40 Bars."

25. Admit that you're baffled when rappers call people names they won't stand for being called.

26. Make at least three appearances at book signings with Larry Platt.

27. Be on time.

28. Participate.

29. Enthusiastically.

30. No more tacos for breakfast.

31. Hire a nutritionist to replace one of the guys you cut from the entourage.

32. Listen to what he suggests.

33. Follow his suggestions.

34. Enthusiastically.

35. Get in before 4 a.m. at least three nights a week.

36. Be available to the media for at least 8 minutes after a winning game.

37. Four minutes after a losing game.

38. Pick a class of sixth-graders and ask Reebok to donate sneakers to kids with perfect attendance records.

39. Ask Larry Brown to quit calling you "the kid." 40. Every time he does it, ask him to do five laps around Derrick Coleman.

41. Ask your mom to leave the "That's My Boy" sign at home.

42. Buy tickets for straight-A students. Call 'em AI's Bright Eyes and let them hang an "A" for every assist that game.

43. Do a stay-in-school public service announcement.

44. Do a don't-do-drugs public service announcement.

45. Attend an Indigo Girls concert.

46. Attend a Billy Joel concert.

47. Introduce Larry Brown to Lil' Kim.

48. Make an appearance on Sonny Hill's "Living Room" radio show.

49. Slap an Allstate bumper sticker on Dikembe Mutombo's car in the Nets' parking lot.

50. Make the "good hands" symbol every time you lob a pass to Todd MacCulloch and he dunks it.

51. Introduce yourself to Matt Harpring the next time you see him.

52. Name the people you're determined to shut up this season.

53. Tell the world what they said that made you angry.

54. Ask Dr. Joel Fish, the sports psychologist, if that kind of anger is the best motivation over a long season.

55. Make an appearance on the Dr. Phil show so he can explain why you feel the way you do about authority figures (it will only take 5 minutes).

56. Ask Larry Brown to tell you what "it" is, that you have finally gotten.

57. Read a book.

58. Talk about it with Mary Fenlon, the woman who was academic adviser at Georgetown while you were there.

59. Ask John Thompson how he really feels about your behavior so far.

60. Attend a 6 a.m. practice at Temple. (It's OK if you're just getting in.)

61. Stick around for a half-hour afterward and listen to John Chaney.

62. Apologize to Magic Johnson for bailing out on his Hall of Fame induction.

63. Get a copy of Larry Bird's remarks, introducing Magic.

64. Read them.

65. Learn from them what the league should be all about.

66. Teach Mayor Street the crossover move before the next election. He's gonna need it.

67. Send the mayor's press secretary, Frank Keel, a thank-you note for ripping "overzealous" cops in the early stages of your summertime "incident."

68. If, God forbid, you are injured, show up for games.

69. Agree to wear a sports jacket if Larry Brown will come to practice the next day wearing FUBU.

70. Be supportive of your teammates.

71. All your teammates.

72. Swap that Yankees baseball cap for a Phillies cap.

73. Even if you wear it backwards.

74. Attend an anger management class with Marlon Byrd.

75. Make an appearance on "Best Damn Sports Show Period" with Stephen A. Smith.

76. Ask Tom Arnold why he gave up being funny.

77. Ask John Kruk if there's anything he wouldn't do for money.

78. Appear once on "Daily News Live."

79. Show up for All-Star Game practices.

80. On time.

81. Participate.

82. Enthusiastically.

83. Shoot 40 percent from the field this season.

84. Take four fewer shots per game.

85. Average one more assist per game.

86. Make 90 percent of your free throws.

87. Quit squawking after every whistle.

88. Limit your technical foul calls to six or less.

89. Don't tug on Shaq's cape.

90. March in the Gay Pride parade.

91. Go to one of those media basketball games at the Palestra and laugh yourself silly.

92. Next dog you get, get a bloodhound.

93. Teach him to bite the tires on TV vans.

94. Widen the spokes on your patio fence.

95. Send flowers to Aunt Jessie every month.

96. Bring flowers to your wife every week.

97. Stop in for a beer at the FOP headquarters.

98. Limit the value of the jewelry you wear at any one time to $100,000.

99. Say you'll be thrilled to play in the Olympics if Larry Brown is named coach.

100. Print this list on a large square of cloth and call it a to-do-rag, sell it, and donate the profits to charity.

Stan Hochman is a columnist for the Philadelphia Daily News.