SPEAKERS EXAMINE WHAT TO DO WHEN `AMERICAN DREAM' FAILS

When the "American Dream" failed Phil Downer and he wasn't sure where to turn, a friend stepped in to guide him toward a different goal.

Downer is now president of the Christian Business Men's Comittee of America, a 60-year-old ministry of business and professional men in 49 states helping other men work for success in their families.

Downer and his wife, Susy, spoke in Cape Girardeau Friday night. About 200 people attended the meeting.

Downer was a practicing lawyer in Atlanta. Susy was a corporate lawyer with Delta Airlines. The two met in college and completed law school side by side.

"I had set a lot of goals for myself along the way," Downer said. "I reached most of those goals, but had not reached the lasting peace and joy I felt those goals would bring. The great American Dream had let me down."

While working toward his professional goals, Downer's life was crumbling around him.

"Very early in our marriage, Susy was secretly planning to divorce me," Downer said.

At the same time, leaders at the law firm where he worked planned to fire him. Downer was unaware of this plan also.

What he knew was that he was lonely, depressed and unhappy.

"Men have identities completely wrapped around what they do," Downer said. In 1993, with so many changes in the workforce, men are finding great turbulance in their lives, he said.

"They do not know where to turn. Men are very inattentive to their most important relationships," Downer said. "And they basically see other men as competition."

That's where the Christian Business Men's Committee steps in. Downer said the organization is designed to offer a friendship to men facing this turbulance.

"We don't promote membership or finance," Downer said. "We promote friendship."

A doctor who was involved with Christian Business Men's Committee befriended Downer.

"I was never trained to be a husband or a father," he said. Within six months of becoming a Christian, Downer said his life had changed.

"The law firm said they were going to give me a bonus instead of firing me," he said. That was when he learned his job had been in jeopardy.

He didn't find out about his wife's intentions until three years later.

"She saw me become a Christian and was flabbergasted at the change she saw. It gave her reason to investigate," Downer said.

Downer said his wife learned to love him again. They now have six children, ranging in age from 12 years to 8 months. The children travel with them when they travel. Susy Downer quit practicing law and now home-schools her children.

"We are not very good at relationships with our kids either," Downer said. "We push aside the precious ones and rush out to succeed. But you reach a point when your success is empty and your relationships are a shamble."

Dr. Bill Terry, retired Cape Girardeau urologist, with the Cape Girardeau Christian Business Men's Committee, said, "We are big on family. There is dignity in being a husband and father."

The local Christian Business Men's Committee sponsors annually the Mayors' Prayer Breakfast. This year's event is scheduled Feb. 17. Syndicated columnist Cal Thomas is the speaker.

The organization has also sponsored "Dad the Family Shepherd" video workshops. On March 11-12, Mike Huckabee, Arkansas lieutenant governor, will present the workshop live in Cape Girardeau.

Downer said about 14,000 members belong to Christian Business Men's Committee groups across the country. A new venture for the organization is business mentors. Because of the rapidly changing marketplace, Downer said, many companies are not investing the same attention in young employees as they did years ago. This organization is stepping in to pair a young man with an older businessman. "Someone who has been over the hill and knows some of the pitfalls," Downer explained.