BECOMING AWARD OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

The problem of domestic violence is getting more media exposure than ever, but encouraging people to wear purple ribbons hasn't been enough.

Attitudes toward victims have to change, the experts say.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and those associated with the Safe House for Women Inc. in Cape Girardeau are working to promote understanding of the problem. The Safe House provides shelter and help finding new homes and jobs for those who need it.

Shelter staff stay busy. Shelter manager Debra Hamilton said the Cape Girardeau Police Department fielded 52 domestic violence calls in March, which is a typical number for each month. The Safe House has its own hotline, and 420 callers made use of it last year.

People who call are attempting to get help, and with 15 American women dying every day due to domestic violence, getting help is vital.

More women are doing so. Safe House Executive Director Bonnie Gerecke attributes the trend to a more accepting society. Hamilton said a change in the political tide is helping. Thanks to the Violence Against Women Act passed two years ago, there are mandatory arrests of spouse abusers, even if the victims don't want to press charges.

Women from all walks of life are victims of domestic violence. Ninety-five percent of Safe House clients don't get help after the first violent incident, or the second or third. National statistics show women are beaten an average of six times before they get help.

"If they have children, it's harder," Gerecke said. "The abusers may threaten to get custody or threaten to harm the children. Abusers are very controlling individuals, and working through a woman's children can be very effective."

Even if children aren't an issue, there are several other reasons women don't leave. Hamilton said victims fear people will find out about their situations.

"Who wants to ruin their marriage?" she said. "Then you have to find a place to live and move the kids, your nosy neighbor finds out your marriage isn't perfect, you have to miss work and maybe your boss fires you."

Women will be empowered to leave bad situations if the stigma of domestic violence is removed, Hamilton said. "Stop thinking of them as second-class citizens. They have done nothing wrong."

It may be difficult to remain friends with a victim of domestic violence, particularly when the friend repeatedly returns to her abuser. Hamilton said some friends threaten to cut off the relationship if the victim resumes her abusive relationship, but that isn't the answer. Abusers want their victims to be isolated and feel helpless.

Instead, friends should let the victim know they are available to help at any time. The victim eventually may be ready to take steps toward freeing herself.

If she doesn't, she may develop Battered Woman Syndrome, a condition sometimes used as a defense in court cases where women fail to protect their children from an abuser. Someone with the syndrome isn't capable of logical thinking and has no self-esteem.

For example, one Safe House client said her husband demanded she be home 15 minutes after she left work, even though her home was about 30 minutes from her workplace. Instead of telling her husband his demand wasn't rational, she would drive 85 miles per hour trying to make the deadline.

"They will do anything to keep him from having another outburst," Gerecke said.

But the Safe House has helped hundreds of women just like that client get back on their feet. On Nov. 5, the non-profit corporation will observe its fifth anniversary.

Safe House staff can fill out paperwork for restraining orders, help women and their children relocate to another state or help them get new jobs and homes in this area.

Women who want to get away from their abusers may call the hotline at any time at 651-1614.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS

Several events will be conducted locally to observe Domestic Violence Awareness Month, including . . .

Domestic Violence Awareness Sunday. On Sunday, Oct. 20, churches and houses of worship are asked to remember in prayer the women and children victimized by domestic violence. They are asked to recommit themselves to seeking solutions to problems plaguing families in Southeast Missouri and the rest of the United States.

Shed Light. On Tuesday, Oct. 22, citizens are asked to leave their porch lights on overnight as a show of support for women and children to find their way out of the darkness of domestic violence.

Is Anybody Out There? On Saturday, Oct. 26, from 9 a.m.-4 p.m., the Safe House for Women Inc. and Saint Francis Medical Center will offer a seminar on ways Christians can help domestic violence victims in their churches and the community. The seminar is free. For more information, call 335-7745.

World Community Day. On Friday, Nov. 1, at 1 p.m., the Safe House will observe five years of operation during a ceremony at LaCroix United Methodist Church in Cape Girardeau.