Humor - 2002 revised version of investment and financial terms

EBITDA: earnings before I tricked the darn auditor

EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering

CEO: chief embezzlement officer

CFO: corporate fraud officer

NAV: normal Anderson valuation

FRS: fantasy reporting standards

P/E: parole entitlement

EPS: eventual prison sentence

BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake

himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET: A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance,

the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex

MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low

VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower

P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the

market keeps crashing

BROKER: What my broker has made me

"BUY, BUY": A flight attendant making market recommendations as you

step off the plane

STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock

STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets

equally between themselves

FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he

runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes

MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the

toilet

WINDOWS 2000: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per

share

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a

nuthouse

PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God