Way to connect

~Singles Reaching Out came to the area when Katherine Elfrink, a single mom, wanted to start a group within the Catholic Church that would give singles -- be they divorced, widowed or never married -- a new way to connect.

Making friends can be a challenge, but for singles -- whether divorced, widowed or never married -- making friends has its own peculiar stumbling blocks. And making friends within a church can be especially challenging.

Katherine Elfrink, a single mom from Jackson, found some challenges when she wanted to begin a group within the Catholic Church. Elfrink organized a group of Catholic singles called Singles Reaching Out in 2006. First, she had to get permission from the bishop to start it, only to find out that what she had in mind already existed in Springfield, Mo. SRO groups are scattered throughout the state, mostly in more-populated areas, but hadn't made it to Southeast Missouri.

Once Elfrink had the bishop's blessing to begin an SRO group locally, she had trouble getting it announced in church bulletins. Some churches didn't always have room for it; others refused to print it.

SRO is not what some people fear it is, Elfrink says. It is not a dating service. It's simply get-togethers for singles who want to socialize with other single people, who might want to attend an event but would feel uncomfortable going alone.

"The church has programs for youth and college-age kids. There are Marriage Encounter programs. Somewhere in there is a group that got left out," Elfrink said.

Widows suddenly find themselves alone after their husbands die. Divorced people soon realize that they no longer have much in common with their married-couple friends. Never-married people new to a location face difficulty finding someone to hang out with. Singles often find it easy to talk themselves out of going to church, Elfrink said, because churches tend to focus on families.

"There are things my family just doesn't get about being single," Elfrink said. "When you're with your married friends, you feel like a third wheel."

"It's hard to step out and do it alone," said Jean Schlichter of Cape Girar-deau, a divorced mother of an adult daughter. "It's not that you're not welcome. It's not comfortable, especially if you don't know anyone."

Schlichter began going to SRO in July, just two months after Elfrink opened it up with an informal gathering at Mollie's Cafe. She said she has attended SRO events ever since. SRO has done for her what Elfrink intended: It gave her an opportunity to meet other singles, to have someone to call and chat with, go shopping with or go places with a group she otherwise would have avoided.

Currently, about 20 single women and men participate monthly in SRO. The age range is wide, and they come from as far away as Ste. Genevieve and Charleston, Mo. Elfrink says she would like to plan outings throughout the area to encourage singles from other communities to become involved without having to travel to Cape Girardeau every time. She is always open to suggestions for activities. SRO has gone bowling, visited wineries and enjoyed happy hour at local restaurants. Plans for this year include going to Tunes at Twilight, a night of bingo and a First Friday tour.

Elfrink said she would like to open SRO up to other Christian groups. Some churches may have singles study groups or Bible classes pertinent to their own beliefs. SRO is focused on more social activities and friendship.

"We have to reach out to each other," Elfrink said.

Anyone interested in exploring SRO may contact Elfrink at katelfrink@yahoo.com. The next activity will be noon to 6 p.m. June 10 at Tower Rock Winery in Altenburg, Mo.

lredeffer@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 160