The nonexistent accidental good relationship

Love in is the air. If you're not careful -- with the cold and the snow -- you could miss it.

I have the privilege of knowing couples who have been married a few months up to 66 years and longer. Those long-term couples share at least two qualities with each other. First, faith is at the center of their lives. Second, they have an understanding that no relationships happen by accident. Nothing happens by accident, especially relationships.

Building relationships on purpose is not a new idea. It's something that is grounded in the Scriptures. Romans 12:18 shares, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." No relationship -- whether marriage, parenting or getting along with others in the grocery line -- happens by accident.

If no relationship occurs by accident, how do you do relationships on purpose?

We have to recognize that every relationship will have moments of tension. "If possible" hints that sometimes the question of "Is this relationship possible or will this tension destroy it?"

Often we may hide the tensions in our relationships until they build up and blow up. What could have been possible to resolve, because it is ignored moves to a state of seemingly impossible. Too many friends have said, "It would take a miracle to fix this" but never pray for one or work toward one.

Every relationship has tension. There are no exceptions, not even in fairy tales. What I've learned in my marriage and as a parent and working with so many others is when that tension is felt it can either be ignored or identified. If ignored, it builds and blows up. When tension and its source are identified something can be done. All of a sudden what seemed impossible has a possibility.

Building intentional relationships takes intentional steps. The phrase " ... so far depends on you" tells me that I have something that I have to do. That I cannot in isolation chase my career and hobbies and expect to have great relationships with those sitting in the same room. I have to take steps to build relationships with those who are the most important to me.

A good relationship takes work; great relationships take a lot of work. God who has already begun a work within you can work through you to build intentional relationships.

Robert Hurtgen is a husband, father, minister and writer. Read more of him at rohurtgen.com.