Survivor Stories: Leslie Washington is an advocate for others

Leslie Washington did not want to be a statistic.

That’s why, after enduring nine years of abuse from her ex-husband, she called the Safe House of Southeast Missouri, hopped on a Greyhound Bus from St. Louis to Cape Girardeau — a city she barely knew — and began a new life.

Domestic violence was something Washington had heard about but never thought she’d experience herself. In her relationship with her ex-husband, she says the abuse started “randomly” and changed over time.

She says he was controlling and regularly accused her of cheating or stealing; some days, Washington says she went to work with bruises on her face. She felt like she was constantly walking on eggshells around him.

“Love should not hurt. Love is supposed to be kind. You’re supposed to treat your person with respect,” Washington says. “People do argue — no relationship is perfect — but regardless, it’s supposed to not hurt.”

Washington says she tried to leave once, but her ex-husband found her. This is common for individuals experiencing domestic abuse; Washington says it takes an average of seven attempts before an individual leaves their abuser permanently. Throughout the relationship, she says people kept telling her to leave her ex-husband, but it ultimately had to be her decision. The person experiencing the abuse needs to want to leave, she says.

“A lot of times, women don’t get out of domestic violence,” Washington says. “A lot of times, it’s too late, and I didn’t want to be a statistic where it would be too late. So, I finally got the courage and said, ‘Leslie, you need to get out of here. You need to get away. You need to be safe.’ And that’s what I did.’”

One day, her ex-husband fractured the orbital near her left eye. While he was out of the house, Washington took the opportunity to escape. She found the Safe House for Women online, secured her spot and left on a bus for Cape Girardeau on Oct. 9, 2013.

Washington says she spent six months at the Safe House, making plans for her life and regaining confidence.

“It took a while for me to get my self-esteem back and to feel normal and wanting to go outside,” Washington says.

Now, Washington is not afraid to use her voice to advocate for others experiencing domestic violence and abuse. She gives back to the Safe House whenever she can by organizing donation drives or speaking at events. She regularly attends City Council meetings and does anything she can to remain “active and positive.”

Washington is also passionate about educating others about domestic violence and abuse, which is why she has spoken at events like “Take Back the Night” on Southeast Missouri State University’s campus, as part of their Campus Violence Prevention Program.

”People don’t understand domestic violence is not just violence, it’s words. It’s how you talk to people. It’s spiritual. It’s financial. … It’s the digital stalking. It’s the coercion. It’s all of that,” Washington says. “It’s not just hitting you. … You may not have one [type of abuse], but you may have the other. Whatever it is, it’s still abuse.”

Gun violence is another issue Washington is passionate about eradicating. Washington says her family has personally felt the impacts of gun violence: One of her cousins died by gun homicide, and another cousin died by gun suicide. Washington’s ex-husband also threatened her with gun violence after she left him.

“That’s why I advocate for those who’ve been impacted by domestic violence, as well as firearm violence, because, you know, it’s likely that gun violence and domestic violence go hand-in-hand,” Washington says.

Washington is an organizer and member of numerous organizations working to stop gun violence, including Moms Demand Action For Gun Sense in America, Everytown for Gun Safety and Wear Orange.

In January, Washington started attending Southeast Missouri State University to pursue a bachelor’s degree in social work with a minor in mass communications. She is working on starting a Students Demand Action chapter on campus, and she’s already a part of Debate Club and Model UN.

“You persevere, and you get through it,” Washington says. “With my story, I know it’s negative, it’s a bad situation, but I turn it into positive, and I advocate, and I use my voice, because as I tell people, I didn’t have a voice for nine years.”