Stop snoring and save the marriage

Anyone who has weathered the inevitable storms of the long-term "marriage bed" will be able to get this question right: What is the number one source of conflict that takes place in that arena?

Snoring.

That's my experience anyway, with counseling couples who have been together long enough to move beyond sex, money and "empty nest" as primary issues.

Besides being a royal pain to your bed partner, what exactly is snoring anyway? To answer that, I asked a sleep doctor, Dr. Andrew Binder, who is associated with PhoenixSleep.com.

According to Dr. Binder, the most benign type is "Primary Snoring" which has no medical consequences but many for the snorer's mattress mate. Dr. Binder describes it as: "Noisy breathing caused by sleep." It is more common in men. Post-menopausal women are also more prone to sounding like a very unladylike freight train. And yes, it is a problem that increases with age, due to reduced muscle tone in the throat.

Is there anything we traumatized "mattress mates" can do to fix this problem?

Several things, according to Dr. Binder:

Assess the geography of the snoring problem. If it only happens when the snorer is on her back (the usual position), then politely ask her to move to her side. However, if midnight fist fights are a possibility, you could try the following tactic. Put a bra on the snorer backwards and fill it with tennis balls. Whenever he rolls over on his back, he will find that position uncomfortable and roll to the side all on his own.

Since alcohol exacerbates snoring, restrict the amount you drink and avoid it all together in the hours prior to going to sleep.

Lose weight. Overweight folks have more obstructed nocturnal breathing

If your relationship can tolerate it, assign a snore-free room where the irritated bed partner can escape.

What about all of those supposed solutions sold over the counter? According to Binder, they are generally harmless and can work for certain individuals. For example, the nasal strips (like "Breathe Right") -- that physically aid in keeping nostrils open -- may work for a minority of folks whose snoring problem emanates from nasal obstruction.

I was especially curious about the new nasal sprays available in the drug store, like "Snore Stop." Dr. Binder had a scientist's reserve, saying there is only anecdotal support for its effectiveness. I can raise my hand on this one with an anecdotal piece of evidence: that product has finally brought a blessed silence to my bedroom.

On the more serious end of the spectrum is Sleep Apnea Syndrome. This condition is characterized by breathing pauses throughout the night, along with loud snoring and day sleeping.

According to Dr. Binder, SAS usually is associated with several other conditions: High blood pressure, acid indigestion, frequent nocturnal urination, tiredness during the day, and a decrease in libido and erectile dysfunction.

Dr. Binder said it is important to diagnose this problem and find solutions, and the earlier the better.

"Catching it early on is very important because of the vascular consequences," he said. And there are several treatment options available.

For more information about Dr. Binder's work, go to www.phoenixsleep.com.

Dr. Michael O.L. Seabaugh is a Cape Girardeau native who is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 20 years experience helping individuals and couples with their emotional and relationship issues. He has a private practice in Santa Barbara and Santa Monica, Calif. Contact him at mseabaugh@semissourian.com.