Social responses to breast cancer vary

Being diagnosed with breast cancer can mean battling a lot of physical trials, but sometimes the social impacts can be just as difficult.

After discovering a friend or loved one has been diagnosed, many people may have questions about the best way to respond. Is it best to shower them with love and support at every opportunity? Or would it be better to avoid the subject completely?

The best approach

According to Tammy Hargis, a licensed professional counselor with New Vision Counseling in Cape Girardeau and a five-year breast cancer survivor, the first thing to do is let the friend or loved one take the lead. Some people are private about their lives, while others are open, she explained.

"Don't say 'call if you need me,'" Hargis said. "Just do something or provide something ... because that puts the pressure on them to take action."

Offer to prepare them a meal or drive them to an appointment, said Janet Berry, a Journey Guide with SoutheastHEALTH Cancer Center and a four-and-a-half-year breast cancer survivor.

"The people that are really in your support system will be more specific. They'll ask what they can do for you," she said.

Berry said the difference between saying the right and wrong things can be as simple as following the "golden rule."

"Just take the time to think before you speak," she said. "Put yourself in their shoes."

The best thing is to stay positive and supportive, Berry added. But it's important to make sure that sharing that support on Facebook or other social media sites doesn't become "overwhelming," Hargis said.

"Some people are very private people and might see it as a violation," she said. "So before you post, you really need to talk to them about it ... Question yourself about why you're really putting it on Facebook and think: Is there something better you can do?"

Online encouragement

Of course, the support from social media sites also can be encouraging, Hargis added. Some people openly share their story with others in an attempt to raise awareness and encourage more women to get mammograms, she said.

Pamela Lewis, nurse practitioner and breast cancer navigator at Womencare at Saint Francis Medical Center, said responding to the diagnoses of breast cancer is a personal choice.

"It depends on many variables, such as the relationship with the person, comfort levels and more," she said in an email. "People want to be supported and loved through this journey and I believe this is most beneficial to keep in mind when communicating with others in stressful situations."

It's not the same

If a friend or loved one is diagnosed with breast cancer, try to empathize, but don't belittle the experience or compare it to others.

"That's what really upsets me, when people say, 'Oh you just have breast cancer,'" Berry said. "They don't know what battles you're fighting. And yes, you can have the breasts removed which could remove the cancer completely, but not every woman or man that's diagnosed is cured."

Berry said that comparing one person's situation to another also can come across as belittling, as well as frightening. Sharing "horror stories" of another friend or relative who had a difficult experience with cancer is never helpful, she added.

Do your homework

According to Hargis, compassion and a little research can go a long way toward making a loved one feel better.

"Just really think about the best way to help them," she said.

It's also important to realize the journey doesn't end once a person is in remission, Berry said.

"It's not a race. You don't finish chemo and your treatments, then you're done," she said. "It's a marathon, it's ongoing. There's always that chance it could come back."

Sometimes the best thing to do, Berry said, is simply sit and listen.

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