Sitting in the glow of God's presence

Sometimes when I pray, thoughts of doubt run through my mind, telling me I'm not giving enough of myself to intimately encounter God, that I'm not focused enough, or that I'm focused too much so that what I think God is giving to me is just me making it up.

The other day while I was praying, these thoughts were hovering in my mind. Then, for a fleeting moment, an image came to mind of light that felt like a warm smile, a smile that was proud of me and chuckling at me in all of my preoccupations of trying to get things right -- a smile that saw and understood my heart and its desire to be with the One who made it, that delighted in this desire and delighted in me.

This image was God's reminder to me that I bring him joy. He just wants us to sit in His presence and realize He's smiling on us. He wants us to stare into his face and see his burning love for us, his utter joy at our existence, his deep care and concern for every part of us, from the big questions of our hearts to our lightest freckle. He will fill us through our simple act of looking.

A story I once heard offers a beautifully simplistic view of prayer that has left a lasting impression on me. It goes like this: a man who believed in Jesus' true presence in the Eucharist sat for hours in a church each day staring at the host on display on the altar. Someone, perplexed by the man's behavior, asked him what he did for so long in church each day, just sitting. He replied, "Jesus looks at me, and I look back at him."

Wow. That's what prayer is. Looking at God, recognizing him in everything and everyone around us. Letting him look back at us as we bear ourselves to him, fully open and waiting, meeting his gaze because we know we have no shame in him. Prayer is recognizing God's presence in ourselves and in every moment of our lives, no matter where we are or what we're doing. Prayer is using words when we have them, but also quieting ourselves and just being in the presence of the Lord.

My friend Father Bill says over and over again that everyone should look in the mirror each morning and try to see Jesus' eyes reflected in our own. He says that we won't see Jesus right away, but that it's the looking and thinking we might see him that counts.

Eventually if we keep looking, we will see Jesus' eyes staring back at us in the mirror.

Let's take time each day to recognize that we are in God's presence, casting all doubt away by sitting in the glow of his smile and love for us.

Mia Pohlman is a Perryville, Mo., native studying at Truman State University. She loves performing, God and the color purple -- not necessarily in that order.