Parenting tips to raise an appreciative child

It's Christmas at the in-laws' house. Your 7-year-old is opening her presents from the family. She picks up the next package. "From Great-Aunt Susan," she proudly reads. Your stomach hits the floor. You sit on the edge of your seat, biting your nails. "Here we go again," you think. "Great-Aunt Susan has yet to give her a gift she likes. Last year we got the silent treatment for the rest of the evening after my daughter loudly announced to the room that she hated Elmo."

Sound familiar?

Many parents dread the holidays simply because they don't know how to combat those embarrassing, unappreciative remarks made by their children while opening presents at Christmas. How do you save face at family functions when your child is throwing a tantrum about how she wanted Rainbow Dash instead of Apple Jack My Little Pony?

The trick is to get started now. Before the holidays are here, start preparing your children for the reality of the holidays.

If your son has a growing list of toys he wants, but your finances won't allow him to get more than a few things on the list, be honest about it. Stay away from sweeping statements that are better left between grown-ups, like "Dad might lose his job." Instead, try explaining the finances by saying, "We might have to hold off on getting that new bike this year."

Another strategy is to point out the quality over the quantity as much as possible. If your daughter's friend makes her a friendship bracelet, say something like, "Wow, your friend picked out your favorite colors. That was very thoughtful of her." Or, "That bracelet probably took her an hour to make. She must really like you."

If your daughter has been known to throw a fit if she doesn't get what she wants, start preparing her early that this may happen. At the same time, let her know it's important and nice to show appreciation. Explain that friends and family spend time and effort picking out what they think she will like. They gave it to her because they thought she would like it.

If you sense a fit coming on during the exchanging of gifts, try distracting as much as possible. Something like, "Wow! Grandma remembered you needed mittens! How thoughtful of her!" could diffuse a potentially embarrassing and awkward family moment and hopefully remind your daughter of her manners.

Also, a few days before the holiday gift-giving begins, rehearse what she should say when she opens a present. We did this for my 3-year-old's birthday this year, and it worked like a charm. A week before her birthday party, we started pretending we were opening presents and then would say, "Thank you. I love it." The day of her party, she opened her first present (a toy she already had) and promptly said, "Thank you. I love it," before she had even really looked at it.

What if your children simply refuse to say "thank you," even after prompting? The last thing you want to do in this situation is turn the moment into a battle of wills. If your child doesn't say "thank you," then say it for him in the moment. You saying it might trigger him to remember his manners. If he never says "thank you," then start by modeling the good behavior. Thank people who help you -- waiters, grocery store clerks, bank tellers. By you showing appreciation to others, your child will pick up on the subtle cues you are giving and will be more likely to show appreciation to others in the future.

If you've already explained to your child that he won't be getting the new game system he wants and he responds with the classic "But everyone else has one" speech, what should you do? It's best to rely on a long-term approach here. Try exposing your children to people from all walks of life, including those less fortunate than they. Volunteer at local community support agencies. Have your children help you sort through things that you're going to donate to charity. Children as young as 4 can help sort through their belongings and pick out items to donate.

Last, but not least, model good behavior yourself. Don't complain or criticize the gifts you've received in front of your children -- no matter how gaudy, no matter how impractical, no matter how many times your mother-in-law has given you the same thing. Remember, children learn by watching those around them, and this starts with you!

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About Shannon

Shannon Anderson is a licensed professional counselor and owner and clinical director of Tender Hearts Child Therapy Center in Cape Girardeau.