Next step: Refuse canned food

There comes a time in every young person's life when reality smacks them in the head and says, "You know, it's time to start thinking about that future of yours."

Actually, we're reminded of that the day we set foot in high school. The first day classes began, our guidance counselor came in and simply told us that from here on out, we'd better not screw up.

And I really did my best to fulfill her wishes of seeing us grow into honest and successful human beings -- although there was that one time I had to serve a two-hour detention for eating a mint in science class.

Now here I am with high school and almost half of college behind me. All that's left to do at the moment is move out of my parents' house.

I did enjoy a brief stint as a noncommuting student my freshman year by residing in New Hall.

That is until I found out my roommate was born without a sense of humor, my suitemates drank 23/7 (an hour to pass out), climbing my bunk bed was one of the most mentally and physically challenging feats I ever had to endure, and my suitemates, in their drunkenness, would fight each other in the bathroom at 4 a.m. for no apparent reason.

Maybe that's part of the college experience. And if so, I admire those of you who can actually make decent grades while living on campus.

But now I'd like to move out again, especially since I drive back and forth from Oran, Mo., every single day. It seems like the easiest answer.

What's not easy, however, is bringing it up to my parents because they get emotional -- parents meaning my mom and emotional meaning outbursts of uncontrollable sobbing.

I can just see it:

"Mom, don't you think it's time me and a couple of friends get an apartment together?"

That's about the time I see her shoulders start shaking while she's cooking pork chops.

"But. You. Won't. Have. Anyone. To. Cook. Supper. For. You," she'll say between each breath of air she retrieves between cries.

"Well, you do realize I can't rely on you for that kind of stuff the rest of my life, don't you?" I'll ask.

By this point she usually goes into a cooking frenzy in order to distract herself from the subject.

"Mom?"

"Is there anything else besides pork chops you want for supper?" she'll ask.

"We've got some corn, carrots, maybe some green beans. Would you like some green beans? How about a new car? Would you like that?"

I'll just sigh and say green beans sound fine.

Hopefully she'll see it from my point of view some day. Otherwise it looks like I'll be driving a new car with a trunk full of assorted canned goods.

Sam DeReign is a sophomore at Southeast Missouri State University. Contact him at sdereign@semissourian.com.