Mom to many: Jackson woman opens her heart to foster children

Julie Tillman did not attend a banquet in Washington, D.C., last fall after being selected for the Angels in Adoption Award by Missouri U.S. Senator Roy Blunt.

Part of the reason Tillman and her husband, Darrell, who have adopted two children, passed on the special invitation was because they had visited the nation's capitol on two other occasions and saw better use of the funds being offered to them. Both visits were to meet their son Nelson, who had returned from Afghanistan in service of his country in the U.S. Army.

Another reason had to do with logistics. The Tillmans were tending to 10 foster children at the Hope Children's Home in Jackson, where they have been serving as house parents since August 2012.

Making the decision easier for Julie Tillman was her preference of flats over heels.

"I thought, 'I'm really not a gala-ball type person,'" Tillman said, punctuating her assertion with a spontaneous, knowing laughter.

Julie Tillman poses for a photo on Wednesday, May 10 in Jackson.Fred Lynch

Tillman is more comfortable in the role of Mom, a title she's worn for more than 37 years.

In addition to her three children with Darrell -- Landon, Cherish and Nelson -- the couple adopted son Evan and daughter Avri.

Evan, 24, and Avri, a 10-year-old fourth-grader, emerged from the countless foster children the couple has nurtured since 1991. The exact number, which Tillman has no real interest in knowing, reaches well over 300 by simple math. She's the legal guardian of one older foster child, while she maintains contact with others who still consider her their mother.

Tillman can be found daily, preparing breakfasts for children before two school buses stop on their way to two different schools, doing laundry, taking care of health appointments (for instance dental and vision) and medications, as well as cooking dinner at the Hope Children's Home, which annually handles about 60 children ages 6 to 21. On a deeper level, she's stabilizing lives, propping up children who have little or no support system in their lives.

No one gets a better look at Tillman's duties than Hannah Stucker, the community engagement and activities director at Hope Children's Home. Unlike the round-the-clock duty of Tillman, Stucker goes home every day.

"Julie sacrifices a lot to do what she does," Stucker said. "I think a lot of people don't really realize that as much if you're not in here on a daily basis.

"She cares for 10 children. The daily things that children need, and then on top of that, children in foster care meet with counselors, they have to meet with their case workers, they have to meet with their CASA (Court Appointed Social Advocate) volunteer, all these people, and Julie is constantly communicating with all these people and communicating with the school district, maintaining a relationship with each individual child while still trying to balance her own personal family."

When talking about her five children, Tillman prefers not to make any distinction between biological and adopted. They all bring smiles and tears.

Her oldest son, Landon, also served in the U.S. Army and died at the age of 30 in 2010. Her memories of him are intertwined with those of her foster children, who began living with the family when he was 13.

One particular memory is rooted at a traveling softball tournament in which Cherish was playing and Landon and their foster child at the time, a boy named Tony, were attending. Landon was big, tall and husky; Tony had cerebral palsy.

"I see Landon running like a turkey with this little boy on his back," Tillman said, laughing amid watering eyes. "Tony had never experienced running.

"That kills me. That is one of my good stories about Landon, but it was also a good story about Tony, because he impacted my children's lives, too. That, for me, is a special one."

Tillman is now a master foster parent who trains foster parents and conducts adoption classes.

She stresses in the training of foster parents that the ultimate goal is to prepare the child to return back home.

She said it's not for every family, especially ones with young children yet to enter school. She said parents must be "130 percent" committed because it takes everybody in a family to make it work.

"Darell, he is wonderful to me," Tillman said. "I couldn't do this without him. He does a lot."

Tillman and Stucker joke about their good-cop, bad-cop roles at Hope Children's Home, where Tillman must be the parent, disciplinarian and fun spoiler, while Stucker gets to be the care-free relative who spoils and departs.

"Miss Hannah is a nice person. Miss Hannah they all love," Tillman said with a laugh.

But like any mom, Tillman gets her moments, citing one last weekend when she baked biscuits and took one of the home's new arrivals to see a movie.

The veteran mom was tickled when she heard, "You're the best foster mom ever."

She smiled and laughed as she talked about the youngster, who she said was probably in his first foster home.

"I thought it was so cute because he really thought I had done something because I had baked biscuits for breakfast."

She had.

jbreer@semissourian.com

(573) 388-3629