Managing multiples

Having a set of twins is no different than caring for any other children, area mothers of multiples say. It just means the children achieve milestones at the same time and everything happens in doubles.

Statistics show that the number of twin births in the United States continues to rise slightly, up 55 percent since 1980. The National Center for Health Statistics reported 118,916 twins born during 2000, which was the last year figures were available. During that same year, there were 6,742 triplets born in the United States.

Locally, there have been five sets of twins born this year at Southeast Missouri Hospital. There were 22 sets of twins born in 2000 at the hospital, 20 sets born in 2001 and 17 sets born in 2002.

Since opening its Family Birthplace in late 2001, there have been nine sets of twins and two sets of triplets born at St. Francis Medical Center.

Elizabeth Toftemark, mother to 2 1/2-year-old twins, Eric and Katherine, said there isn't any novelty to parenting twins.

"It's like having individuals," she said. Each of her children have different likes and dislikes, favorite toys and games, and distinct personalities.

The difference is that "my children are doing the exact same things developmentally, at the same time," she said.

Instant playmates

Having a single child might be easier on the parents, but it also means the child doesn't have an instant playmate, Toftemark said. While Eric and Katherine enjoy each other's company -- they could amuse themselves for hours together, their mother says -- they also have their own friends at the preschool they attend twice each week.

Jenny Turner likes that her twin sons, 2, can play together. "It's neat to see, even at this age, that they take care of each other."

If one gets upset, the other might bring him a pacifier or a toy, she said. Turner also has a 5-year-old daughter.

Turner is president of the local chapter of Mothers of Multiples, an organization that offers advice and support to mothers of twins and triplets. The group meets on the third Saturday of each month.

"It's really helpful because we meet and get to tell our stories about how they helped each other into trouble," Turner said.

There are about 10 mothers who meet regularly. And if they miss a meeting, they feel like they really miss something, she said.

The mothers can hear different stories about how the children develop and what might be a problem or challenge at a particular change.

"You can hear different things, and we can help the new moms who are going through the really hard stage," Turner said.

Toftemark keeps her twins on a schedule, something she's done since they were infants. Now the family doesn't adhere as routinely as it could, but that's partly because naptimes are decreasing and the children are more active.

"Now that they are getting older, they're getting more demanding," Toftemark said. "But I also know what they are demanding."

Merrily Rinehart of Jackson has four children, including a set of triplets, under the age of 5. There are days when life is a little crazy around their house, she said.

"I think when they are older, it will be easier," she said. Right now, if one child gets into something he shouldn't and is reprimanded, the others seem to want to do that also.

And because the children are toddlers -- older sister Katelyn is 4 and the triplets, Sam, Jack and Clay are 2 1/2 -- they're more curious and more active.

The triplets are good about sharing toys, which is ideal for play dates. They regularly play with the Toftemarks "because it gives everybody a break," Elizabeth Toftemark said. The children play together while she and Merrily can talk.

And sometimes just changing locations -- going to the park or to grandma's -- helps keep the children from bickering, Rinehart said.

Just like any other siblings, twins and triplets have disagreements. There are some days Katherine and Eric are friends and some days when they are indifferent to each other, Toftemark said.

And there are days then the children speak in "twin talk," their mother said. Katherine might make a request for Eric or vice versa, and if one gets hurt, the other offers comfort.

The triplets tend to stick together and understand what the others need. Now that they're starting to talk, Rinehart knows what they're saying but isn't sure another person would understand.

"They talk in mumble jumble, and I'm not sure they even understand," Rinehart said. But things seem OK because the children laugh and carry on, she said.

ljohnston@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 126