Kindness tops meanness in life

Do you need to develop a thicker skin? Should other people be held accountable for hurting your feelings? Have manners and kindness disappeared outside the window?

Some people are naturally more sturdy than others in handling harsh words or mistreatment. You may have been told, "You're too sensitive. You have a thin skin. You need to toughen up. Everybody incurs bad treatment."

When I was a child, we were admonished if we talked unkindly to others. It was just unacceptable behavior. I'm not talking about sibling rivalry or ordinary childhood fights. Those are all a part of life. But the Golden Rule was actually a learned way of behavior. You talked lovingly to people and treated them with courtesy and respect.

Then many books were written about the need to disallow the bad other people said, or did to you, bother you, such as, "Things can't hurt you unless you let them" (Epictetus, The art of living, interpreted by Sharon Lebell). You could excuse your behavior by, "Oh, he'll get over it," or, "He deserved what he got."

However, Bible scripture holds a different view. Ephesians 4-29 says to "let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up that it may give grace to those who hear. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, etc." Romans 12:10 tells people to, "Love one another with brotherly affection. To outdo one another in showing honor." 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 is one of the most famous Scriptures written. This passage talks about love -- that it's patient, and kind, love does not envy or boast, is not arrogant or rude. Is not irritable or resentful. Love bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Scripture also advises you to "live peacefully with everyone."

It's not alright to talk rudely and say what you think, whether it hurts or not. Although Jesus encountered many people during his ministry, he was usually kind to everyone. The more downtrodden people were, the more readily He reached out to them -- assuring them no one was incapable of being forgiven. He raised them up from their misery and gave them hope. He gave them guidance concerning their behavior, and told them to "go and sin no more." Their past need not deter their future, if they changed their ways.

Often people say words they don't mean because they've had a bad day at work, or something else has gone awry in their life. Cutting remarks can wound the soul of someone. Sometimes what you say, or the way your treat others, can be the trigger that sets off a deep depression. You may say, "He had mental problems anyway," or, "What I've said wouldn't bother him so much." Perhaps the person receiving the ill treatment had low self-esteem, but he wasn't necessarily problematic in his attitudes. Kindness can do wonders to heal someone's anxiety, low self-esteem or need for love.

Just as a mean word or statement can tear you down, a show of love, kindness and being included can heal. Isn't healing a strong word? It touches you like a gentle, warm, soothing breeze. A show of kindness can give you a new lease on life. Take note of how you feel when you're having a blue day and someone special calls you on the phone, visits, or pays you a compliment. Perhaps they call you by a term of endearment. Your step regains its spring, and your heart flutters joyfully -- all because of a simple word or action. But that seemingly simple gesture of goodwill can carry tremendous benefits.

You must not take the negative people do or say to you, to heart, unduly. You must seek self-approval rather than others' approval -- just a small bit of kindness goes a long way. You be the person who delivers that kindness to someone.