Inviting children to one of the biggest parties of all

NEW YORK -- Children love a good party, and few parties are more special and important than weddings, but that doesn't mean these two always are a perfect match.

Children aren't your typical wedding guests, says Maria McBride-Mellinger, wedding style editor for Bride's magazine, so if a couple decides they want youngsters at their nuptials, they need to plan for it.

It's not reasonable to expect children to sit through a long ceremony and then sit through a long meal without time to play, she says.

"I'm the oldest of 11 children, so there always were lots of kids at weddings in my family. Kids are wonderful, they are part of the life-affirming element of this celebration, but kids do have special needs," she says. "They have shorter attention spans and they need physical activity."

In her new book "The Perfect Wedding Details" (HarperResource), McBride-Mellinger offers suggestions to accommodate these special partygoers, including renting child-size tables and chairs, creating a special coloring-book program and serving easy-to-eat food.

Good food and wiggle room

Comfort food, including dishes such as fried chicken and macaroni and cheese, is a huge trend for weddings right now, McBride-Mellinger notes, and passed hors d'oeuvres like miniature sandwiches, spring rolls and the classic pigs-in-blankets are a favorite of both the young and old.

A new twist is passed sweets: Popsicles and shish kebab-style gumdrop skewers.

"An outdoor wedding is a great wedding to have when you are having children," she advises. "Maybe you can even provide a dedicated space here, too. You can easily rent a popcorn machine or cotton-candy vendor. ... These can be great entertainment and become part of the decor and 'flavor' of the event."

She adds, however, that a child-friendly wedding doesn't limit the bridal couple to a casual wedding. Children likely will enjoy getting all dressed up and being a part of a formal affair, as long as they have a little wiggle room.

One gift that children always seem to bring to a wedding is the ability to get everyone on their feet, observes McBride-Mellinger. "Kids love to dance. Almost any music you'd enjoy, kids would enjoy. Kids naturally have rhythm and aren't self conscious so they get grown-ups dancing. You'll see parents holding hands with their kids, and twisting around."

These moments make great photo opportunities, and McBride-Mellinger says there is a wonderful picture just waiting to be taken of children gazing adoringly at the cake -- or maybe stealing some icing.

One of the reasons more children are being seen at the approximately 46,000 weddings a week in the United States is that many couples are celebrating their second marriages, so they already have children of their own. It's important for brides and grooms to include their children in the planning process, McBride-Mellinger says, because it's a marriage of not only two people, but two families.

Part of the proceedings

If youngsters are in the bridal party, McBride-Mellinger says to make their jobs child appropriate: Give flower girls baskets that are easy to carry, and maybe even give "ring-bearer" boys flowers to hold, too, so they don't have to worry about losing the ring.

Also, she adds, be prepared for children to get a last-minute case of stage fright so they won't make it down the aisle.

(She suggests either planning on an adult accompanying them for that rather long, intimidating trip or having the children walk down as a group holding hands instead of one by one.)

Older children can be very valuable helpers: They can help with decorations or take on tasks like making the program -- especially since many are computer whiz-kids.

For the very youngest children, bridal couples might want to consider having a baby sitter (or sitters) to care for pooped partygoers, maybe setting up a nursery, especially if the reception is held in either a private home or hotel.

"It's a party that last three to four hours, and you want kids' parents to enjoy it, so you have to make sure kids will enjoy it," says McBride-Mellinger.

"A bride is a hostess. ... Think of things in that context. You want to create a wedding that you'll have a great time at, but you want your guests to have a good time, too," she adds.

Couples, though, certainly can choose to have a grownups-only wedding, McBride-Mellinger says, and friends and families shouldn't pressure them to change their mind.

"As a guest, don't assume your kids are invited. Their names should be on the invitation or it should say 'and family,"' she explains.