I know these things not to be true because ...

The airplane has just lifted off the Athens runway, and I'm leaving our home there for the last time. I am looking out the window when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look over, and it's Courtney holding out one of her earbuds to me.

I put it in my right ear and hear "Called Me Higher" by All Sons and Daughters, a song that comforted me so much throughout my early years of college. I haven't heard this song in a long time, haven't really heard music like this in a while, and it is so right.

"I could hold on, I could hold on to who I am and never let you change me from the inside. I could be safe, I could be safe here in your arms and never leave home, never let these walls down. But you have called me higher, you have called me deeper, and I'll go where you will lead me, Lord."

We are holding hands. We are crying our own, private, communal tears, because that is what we learned here -- how to be a both/and, an individual that is part of the one body.

The white houses and buildings of Athens are disappearing, the pink of the sunrise light reflecting off the mountains, the land masses and rocks like islands in the water. They get less frequent, more spaced apart, until we are only over blue.

I am holding on to who I was in Greece like that is the last thing you're going to do in me, like there is nothing else for you to do, like I am who I will be.

I am holding on to who I was in Greece like it is the end of all things, the greatest thing I will ever do, that you will ever do in me, through me, with me, when I know it was only the beginning of your planting these deep, deep seeds of love in me. Seeds that I will need to love with the depth you are calling me to in whatever you are calling me to.

I am holding on to Greece like, if I let it go, it won't be real anymore, won't have happened.

I know these things to not be true, because you are so much deeper than that, want so much more depth for me than I can see, want to know me so much more deeply yet and be known by me so much more deeply.

I know these things no to be true because you led me into this beauty and you led me out and you are here with me now, waiting for me to be ready to let you show me the beauty here.

I know these things not to be true because all things are not yet right, and I am sad and disappointed and that always means you aren't finished yet.

I know these things not to be true because you love me.

Give me courage, God.

Amen.