Define roles to solve those marriage woes

There's a good chance that your pastor is also a bit of a relationship expert. Some churches even require premarital counseling for soon-to-be wed couples. In a recent issue of the Southeast Missourian's premiere bridal magazine, iDO asked two pastors to explain the most common issues for new couples -- and how to deal.

Finances are the No. 1 reason for divorce, so couples need to be realistic from the start, said Mark Anderson, pastor at Lynwood Baptist Church in Cape Girardeau. The sooner you and your spouse set a budget and decide who will handle what finances, the better.

Parenting and relationship roles should also be discussed. According to Anderson, many couples assume things about the relationship and their partner, which leads to tension. Maybe you grew up in a home where Dad always helped out in the kitchen, and your spouse was raised in a family where Dad never helped. Maybe you believe in time-out and your spouse believes in spanking.

Take the time to discuss the little things, like who will take the trash out, and the big things, like which of you will stay home with your future children and which of you will work. Little problems can create big problems if they're not discussed, Anderson said.

Make a list of non-negotiables for your relationship, said Rev. Mark Martin of St. Andrew Lutheran Church. It should be a few traits your ideal partner must have, like having strong faith or not smoking. You can work around everything but the non-negotiables.

"There will always be things you're not going to like about your spouse, but that's part of the deal of a relationship," Martin said.

Read about more solutions and wedding-related stories in the most recent issue of iDO, available in select stores or visit www.semissourian.com/ido to request a copy.