Couples combine faith and marriage

More than 50 years ago while working part-time at a Kroger grocery store in Walnut Ridge, Ark., Doug Austin saw his future wife, Fran.

After a year of talking with her mom at the store, he decided to ask Fran for a date. She agreed. But the date didn't go exactly as planned.

Fran and Doug Austin (Laura Simon)

"We had one date that was a disaster," Fran said. "We didn't have anything in common. We went to two different schools. We had one mutual friend, and I never thought I'd see him again."

But the two would meet again one year later. According to Fran, Doug "got up his nerve again" and asked her out on a double date.

This one turned out better. Why?

"I guess maturity on both our parts maybe, a little bit," Doug said. "I found out that she didn't have to love Hoxie, Ark., basketball for me to get along with, and I didn't have to love anything at all about Walnut Ridge to get along with. We just seemed to click that second time."

Nearly three years later they were married, and in November the couple will celebrate their 53rd wedding anniversary.

While the Austins agree that marriage is a work in progress, they do offer some practical advice for couples.

"I think marriage really begins before you say 'I do,' many, many years -- the foundation for marriage," Doug said.

"That commitment has to be there," added Fran.

Both coming from "godly homes with godly parents," the Austins said that their Christian faith was the focal point of their connection.

Doug added that too many couples think they can live off love.

"There's a mistaken belief that practice makes perfect. And it does not. Practice makes permanent. So if you practice, you better practice good things."

"It has to be commitment and friendship, and you have to enjoy spending time together," Fran added. "And know when to give one another space."

Having a God-centered marriage and finding a good mentor are Doug's top two pieces of advice for a good marriage.

"My best advice would be to make God a permanent resident in your home. And then find a mentor. Find a godly mentor for life and marriage combined. And then practice. And practice the good things," Doug said.

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The Rev. Mike Parry has served as a pastor at Fruitland Community Church for 12-plus years. He and his wife Grace will celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary in May.

In his role as pastor, Parry provides premarital counciling for couples and shares the biblical perspective of marriage. His advice:

Grace and Mike Parry (Submitted photo)

"Understand that marriage is sacred and is to be a lifelong commitment," Parry said. "At the same time, it is incredible work."

Parry said that couples who would like to improve their marriage should consider their spouse's love language and think about how they can love that person each day.

"Most partners love their spouse based on their needs instead of their spouse's needs," Parry said. "They try to love the other with their own love language and don't connect in a loving way."

Communication, according to Parry, is vital to a healthy marriage.

"A marriage can't survive without communication. It's oxygen to the relationship. Communication takes quality time. It requires listening, give and take, as well as forgiveness."

Communication extends to finances. Parry said that establishing a budget can help deter money disagreements after tieing the knot.

"It comes down to communicating about your finances and agreeing as 'one' how best to spend the family's money," Parry said. "Regardless of sources of income, there should not be 'his' or 'her' money, but only 'our' money."

Parry said the best piece of marriage advice he received was that marriage is bigger than one person.

"I don't keep my vow, my vow keeps me. ... It's a vow that I made with my wife before the Lord. They are not empty words."

Married or single, Parry said people should focus on being complete in God.

"Marriage is wonderful, but so is singleness. Focus on being complete in Christ as a single or a married [person]. The only person who can be your Savior is Jesus."

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Rex and Sherry Rust were married six and a half years ago. Today they teach a marriage class at La Croix United Methodist Church based on the DVD "Marriage Matters."

In addition to watching the DVD as a group, the class also discusses "homework" projects, reflects on the week's lesson, and hears from Rex and Sherry on lessons they've learned.

Rex and Sherry Rust (Submitted photo)

"Basically, we share with the class all the things that we have done that you don't want to do," said Rex, who is the co-president of Rust Communications, the parent company of the Southeast Missourian.

"The class is for all people who are engaged or married -- whether their relationship is going wonderfully or just needs a tune up," Rex said. "We have couples who have been married one month and couples who have been married 35 years. It is great. All the different perspectives and experiences bring strength to the discussions."

Though offered at La Croix, Rex said the class is open to members and non-members alike. The next session begins in the fall.

Sherry said that one of the biggest challenges the couple faced early on in their relationship was communication -- a topic which is also discussed in the class.

"There was a lot of 'assumicide' and just not hearing or understanding the other person," Sherry said. "Once we worked on our communication skills we realized that what we hear is not always what the other person meant.

"To know that you are in a safe environment where you can speak what you are feeling and be vulnerable to your spouse is of utmost importance."

Rex said that having a servant's heart and focusing on God is critical in marriage.

"We believe each person should commit to strengthening his or her relationship with God first and foremost -- away from selfish attitudes. And as you get to experience and know the unbelievable love of Jesus Christ, he will not only change your perspective of those around you -- especially your spouse -- but your life."

Sherry said that she and Rex don't see themselves as class teachers, but rather as facilitators.

"God is the ultimate teacher through the Holy Spirit. And his word from the Bible is the ultimate blueprint of a perfect marriage," she continued, "Rex and I can only hope to facilitate and reinforce the connection between God's love and the couples in our class."

The Rusts say that facilitating the class has been a blessing to their own marriage.

"Sherry and I have experienced a mediocre marriage when we were just merely functioning and serving our own interests. And we have experienced the most amazing love and friendship that revolves around serving each other with the example of Jesus Christ, the most perfect servant. Our goal is to stay strong and focused on the latter," Rex said.

Sherry added, "There is no greater intimacy than sharing God's love with your spouse."

lpresson@semissourian.com

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