Coping at Christmas

The 17th day of the month is difficult for Jo Ann Rister. The Chaffee, Mo., woman's husband, Charles, died on this day in January.

"When the 17th comes along, I fall apart," Rister said.

This will be Rister's first Christmas in 45 years without the man she called Sonny.

Christmas shopping was especially hard for Rister. The holiday songs reminded her of Sonny. She thought filling her house with Christmas decorations would be out of the question, but Rister hung them up -- Sonny would have wanted it that way.

"It's been very hard without him here. I really miss him," Rister said.

Rister wears Sonny's ring around her neck -- that way he's always with her.

Each month, Rister joins other men and women who have lost loved ones for a grief support group at Southeast Missouri Hospital's HealthPoint Plaza. The group discusses methods of coping with their loss and offers support for one another during the difficult times.

Julie Metzger, social work manager at Southeast Missouri Hospital, leads the grief support group in discussion.

The holidays are particularly difficult for those who have lost loved ones, Metzger said.

"It's a challenging time of the year, especially when you think about certain traditions," she said. "It's important to have support during those challenging times."

Saint Francis Medical Center offers similar grief support groups through its Pastoral Care program.

"We invite people to talk about the special things they do on certain occasions and talk about the things they'll miss," said Greg Heinsman, Pastoral Care chaplain.

The Rev. Augustine Chibuzo Alilonu, manager of Pastoral Care, said each person needs to figure out what coping method works best for them.

Glenda Milam of Benton, Mo., lost her husband, Bill, in January 2002. Last year her son passed away, and her sister died in 2004. She attended her first grief support group a month after Bill passed away.

"It wasn't something I was prepared to deal with," Milam said about her husband's death.

Milam continues to attend the grief support groups -- she still needs the support and she's there to offer it to others.

Each Christmas gets a little easier for Milam, but certain Christmas songs or traditions can trigger her emotions.

"You do sit and cry sometimes, but you have to keep yourself busy," she said. "You'll get through it. Just surround yourself with friends and family."

For more information on Saint Francis Medical Center's grief support groups, call 651-4617. For more information on Southeast Missouri Hospital's grief support groups, call 651-5549.

jfreeze@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 246