Children's emotional pains aren't all in their heads

NEW YORK -- Parents know all about stress headaches and nervous knots in their stomachs. What they often don't realize, though, is that children suffer the same ailments.

Dr. Jonathan Slater, the chief of Pediatric Psychiatry Consultation-Liaison at Children's Hospital of New York, says, just like adults, children's emotions can cause physical symptoms.

"There is an intimate relationship between physical and emotional symptoms because they are both biologically mediated," he says.

In his book "Tell Me Where It Hurts: How to Decipher Your Child's Emotional Aches and Physical Pains" (Adams Media), written with Mark L. Fuerst, Slater urges parents not to ignore or dismiss complaining kids even when it seems as if nothing is wrong.

When children "suddenly" come down with a cold or stomach pain on a school day -- and especially an exam day -- people sometimes diagnose it as "Ferris Bueller Syndrome," says Slater, referring to the 1986 movie about a skillfully planned "sick day" that today's parents watched as teens.

In the real world, this "syndrome" is "quite unusual," according to the doctor. It is more likely that the children are experiencing an emotional pain that has manifested itself elsewhere in the body.

Younger children in particular express their feelings physically because they don't have the vocabulary to articulate their emotions, explains Slater, who has four children.

"The symptom is always real. If there's nothing medically identifiable, then try to get to other possibilities," he says.

Some kids get physically sick when they worry too much about grades, have a social problem at school or if their parents are just about to go out of town. These are times when parents can intervene and help their children get better, says Slater.

But don't always expect the kids to be willing partners in the treatment.

It's hard enough for a parent to acknowledge their child might be depressed or otherwise emotionally distraught, but children probably won't recognize the link or they'll refuse to admit it, Slater says.

In his book, Slater offers the following "action plan" as a way for parents to help correlate symptoms to situations:

Construct a timeline of your child's physical complains. Note the type of complaints and when they occurred, as well as how severe they are.

Write down anything significant that happened in the child's life at that time. Then, look for patterns or connections.