Book offers timeless advice worth using years later

Here are some passages dubbed "Classic Spock" from the eighth edition of "Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care":

n Parenthood is an ideal guilt-generating business, and labor often delivers the first volley. I think this situation has come about in part because of the fantasy that everything has to be perfect for the child to do well. Of course nothing could be further from the truth. First off, the "perfect" parent has yet to see the light of day. Secondly, there is no need to be "perfect" or to follow any one script. The process of human development is powerful. There is plenty of room for variation and even for making mistakes. Infants are incredibly resilient.

n When I tell parents that their toddler has outgrown the playpen or the crib and that they ought to let her on the floor, they are apt to look unhappy and say, "But I'm afraid she'll hurt herself. At the least, she'll wreck the house." Sooner or later she must be let out to roam around, if not at 10 months, at least by 15 months, when she's walking. And she's not going to be any more reasonable or easier to control then. At whatever age you give her the freedom of the house, you will have to make adjustments, so it's better to do it when she's ready.

n Don't worry about table manners. Babies want to eat more expertly, more neatly, all by themselves. They want to graduate from fingers to spoon and from spoon to fork as soon as they feel equal to the challenge.

It was Dr. Robert Needlman's job to address issues that weren't necessarily at the forefront in Spock's heyday. Here's his advice:

n Children are always aware of and disturbed by conflicts between their parents, whether or not divorce is being considered. It is good for them to feel that they can discuss these situations with their parents, together or singly, to get a more sensible picture than their morbid imagination may suggest. It is important for children to believe in both their parents in order to grow up believing in themselves, so it is wise for the parents to avoid bitterly heaping blame, which is a natural temptation.

n Disasters, both natural and manmade, threaten the basic contract between parents and children, which is that parents will keep their children safe. It is therefore very important that parents reassure their children that adults are doing whatever needs to be done to make sure no on else is hurt. Parents need to protect their children from being further traumatized by repeated exposure to televised images of the event. As hard as it was to turn off the television after Sept. 11 or during the war in Iraq, that is what wise parents did. --AP