Become a person you can love and admire

By Ellen Shuck

Do you love yourself? How about, "It's wrong to love yourself; conceited and selfish." Corinthians 6:19 in Christian scripture allays those fears when it speaks of the importance of the human body: "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own." Yet loving yourself comes naturally, so the scripture teaches us to "love our neighbor as ourselves" (Romans 13:9).

You meet people, acquire friends and have your heroes. You often put others on a pedestal and look up to them. You can't wait to be in the company of certain individuals. All that is wonderful, to a point. But who do you spend the most time with every day?

Do you like meeting him or her on a daily basis because they are the first person you see every day and the last person you see at night? They accompany you on every vacation and sick call. They laugh with you, help you and encourage you or discourage you. Who is this person? Sometimes they're boring or bored, often grouchy and out of sorts, or they can be quite exciting and fun.

I wonder if you admire them or even love them. Do they incite your senses by what they have to offer? Do you want to seek their solace when you're tired, disgusted and craving companionship? Do they possess qualities and goals that you want as well? Even when you're with other people, do you want him or her with you, too? Well, in case you haven't already guessed, that constant person lives within you. That person is you!

If you know what you like about others, try to adopt their qualities yourself. Learn to be the sort of person you can love. Yes, it's OK to love yourself. If you love yourself, you are more loving toward others. You want to give away what you already possess.

What kind of person do you want to spend the rest of your life with? It's OK to like to spend time with yourself and crave the luxury of time with you. If you're full of hate, you'll never be able to deeply love another, because you can't give what you don't have.

It's easy to become a different person when your life takes an ambiguous turn. You become dissatisfied and dislike everything about it. You can, unknowingly, take your temperament and mood swing out on whoever you're around. The more you strike out at others, the more you dislike yourself. Then you become embarrassed and distraught because of the perceived impression you've made. Rather than forgive yourself with love, you become like a dieter. You think you've blown it, so you may as well really let loose, rather than embrace that person with whom you're with constantly: you.

I have realized, finally, that I have to be my own best friend, companion, lover and cheerleader. I must also take the blame and ownership of the things I do and say that are unattractive. When I change my actions and demeanor, I can, again, admire and love that person called me. Only I can change myself. I don't choose to stay with someone I can't respect and love, because when that person is unhappy or ill-tempered because of an unexpected upset, then so am I!

It is of utmost importance to look at oneself as a constant companion and love him or her, but the love you have cannot be self-serving. The neighbor of which Jesus speaks is anyone. You are to give all people the same amount of care you give yourself, unselfishly and generously, because you are the carrier of the Holy Spirit. Develop those qualities that make you a person you respect and love.