Be it wholeheartedly

Being in my 20s has been a lot of learning to be at peace with not having clear-cut paths or definitive answers. It has been a process of learning: be who you are, where you are, with whoever you're with. And be it wholeheartedly.

Which is, perhaps, exactly what makes the 20s so darn beautiful and so darn hard.

Jesus' life in Scripture, too, doesn't give much direction for this time of life: we don't get to know anything about Jesus' 20s. Perhaps it is this absence of events worthy of being recorded that is the whole point: this was a time of preparation for what was to come.

A couple of months ago, I heard a priest speak about the Gospel reading from John 2:1-11, which depicts Jesus' first miracle at the wedding at Cana. During his homily, the priest put these verses into new perspective for me: he discussed how at his Baptism in the Jordan, Jesus' Father gives him permission to begin his work by announcing that Jesus is his Son and people should listen to him.

The priest said that at the Wedding at Cana, Mary, then, gives her permission, nudging Jesus to reveal to people who he is. She has never before in Jesus' 30 years asked him to reveal his true identity; she must know in some intuitive way that in asking him this, she is nudging him toward his death. Still, she asks. She permits. She commands and leads the servants.

Jesus is not quite ready when she asks him for a miracle. And that is OK.

Because then, when the timing is right, he changes the water into wine. He reveals to the servants all he is. And then his mission doesn't so much begin as continues from the years of preparation he has spent leading up to this moment.

It is comforting to remember that Jesus, too, was young once and had a history before all we know about his works. That he had a period in his life in which he was hidden, being prepared for what would come. That he came out on the other side of it, his purpose clear and his heart ready.

As we are at the outset of Lent, this has occurred to me, too: it is these years of preparation in which he lived with Scripture and the traditions and structures of his Jewish faith that help Jesus when he is tested by Satan in the desert at the beginning of his public ministry.

In this scene, Scripture makes what I think is one of the most hilarious understatements, saying that after eating nothing for 40 days, Jesus "was hungry" (Luke 4:2, NAB). I love this seemingly throwaway statement because it tells me that in these temptations, Jesus is not relying on a feeling or religious high to make his decision to choose God. No.

He is not full or satisfied, yet he chooses to adhere to the Scripture he knows to be true, even if he doesn't feel it. It is in this that he overcomes temptation, in this that calls us to believe even when we don't feel or understand it.

And it's the years of formation, full of purpose after all, that help him do this.