Baby Steps: Making friends as a grown-up

Making new friends at age 30 is a lot like going on a blind date. You meet someone at the library play group or through a friend of a friend. You make plans in a crowded public place to meet with your children in tow, and through the screams, giggles and running after toddlers, you try to make conversation to find out if you have a connection or if you will end up back in the "dating" pool.

It is stressful. No matter what anyone tells you, you cannot actually learn anything about another person in two hours at a bounce house with a dozen or more screaming kids hopped up on birthday cake. Making friends at 30 is harder than dating was in my 20s.

I was lucky -- I met my wonderful husband at my job during my junior year in college. I was married before online dating became a big thing, and I only had one blind date during my sophomore year, when I was set up with my friend's brother. There were no endless streams of swiping left on Tinder or paying a subscription fee to Match.com.

My love life, thank goodness, was easy. My friend life, not so much. I have friends, but the problem is that when you have children, if your friends don't have children, you don't get to see each other as much. Your kids come first, so those bi-weekly nights out get pushed back to weekly, then monthly, then every other month.

You spend your free time at the park or the library, helping with homework or playing tag. You begin to get lonely with your only talking companions being your 5-year-old and your 2-year-old, so you start looking for another mommy friend.

If you are lucky, you might find a couple of ladies at church or your kids' school. Otherwise, you are in the "dating" pool again at age 30, just when you thought blind dates were a thing of the past.

My family and I recently went on a "blind date" with some new family friends. One of my friends from college recently moved back to town, and he now has two boys and a wife. After weeks of conversations, he finally convinced me to text his wife, J, for a play date.

I'm not scared of a lot of things, but texting a woman I had never met was terrifying. I now understand why it took my husband three days to call me after he asked for my number -- he was working up the courage, just as I had to do in contacting my friend's wife. A week after getting her number, I texted J and we made plans for the weekend. Thankfully, both our husbands volunteered to join us so we had that nice buffer, just in case.

I am so glad I finally worked up the nerve to contact J. It was a harrowing experience, but it was worth it. Max and my friend now text almost daily, and J and I enjoyed the time we had (between chasing the kids and listening to our husbands talk about Batman vs. Superman) enough that we made plans for a on-on-one "date" so we can get to know each other better.

My fingers are crossed that this works out, because I am in no hurry to "blind date" again.

---------

About Kristen

Kristen Pind, a native of small-town Gower, Mo., came to Southeast Missouri State University with bigbyin her 20s, she'd be married with two kids and living in Cape Girardeau. Kristen invites moms of all types to find her "Baby Steps" page on Facebook.