Asking the question: Who are you, really?

The high school teenager giggles in an abnormal, fake-sounding way. The woman puts on airs when she's with those she feels are above her. The man buys lunch for everybody. He must appear to be affluent and successful. The lawyer feels he must purchase a house-too large for his family -- as a status symbol. His wife goes along with his whim. She doesn't understand why he wants to buy a house too big for the small family.

These are all ways to camouflage who you are. You're afraid to let others enter in. You fear they might not like what they see. You may not be accepted within their group. So you put yourself out to be something you're not.

You dress in ways that aren't you, but you think others will approve. You attend events you'd rather not, just to fit in. Or you participate in affairs, and help with what you think will make others happy. That is a worthy goal, unless you fail to notice when you're overdoing it.

Young people, especially, are prone to pleasing. Those who are attempting to get ahead, those who feel inadequate, and those merely feeling lonely and sad -- all join in the façade to try anything to take away the pain and gain some recognition or love. My, how important that feeling of being wanted, valued, needed, appreciated, successful and fitting in with the world is.

You notice, I said -- to fit in -- to the world. Fitting in with those around us, those with whom we must work on a daily basis, and those with whom we live, is a need that propels almost everyone, including wildlife, and other species.

It's dangerous, though, to keep blindly trying to fit in, to keep attempting to find your niche, if you haven't already. Maybe you've already found it, but, yet, don't realize it. Perhaps you don't like where you are, but you won't think and contemplate to find out if you like being there.

Do you actually admire those whom you're trying so hard to copy? Would you really want to be like them? Look at their life. I mean, REALLY look at their life. Although it may seem, on the outside, to be better than yours, would you want to give up what and who you genuinely are, and who you have in your environment in exchange for that of another?

Now, stand back and look at yourself. In grade and middle school, I constantly tried to fit in with those I wanted to be accepted by. I laughed like them, and felt discouraged because I wasn't as recognized or materially affluent as they. So I never took those friends home. Our couch had holes in its cushions, and our lawn was often overgrown because our mower refused to budge. Nevertheless I was accepted at school. In my mind, people wouldn't know that our family was less than rich if they didn't see my house. I could fudge on outward things and keep pretending.

I maintained a group of close friends, however, who were in the same boat as I. I could be candid with them. I later learned that those who cared about what I possessed weren't the kind of friends I wanted, anyway.

Sometimes, while daydreaming in bed, I would be so happy I was simply ME. Get to know and love the person you are.

You have to search deeply to learn who you really are. You aren't the rules, specifications and fashion the world dictates. Meeting those standards only brings unhappiness. Believe John when he refers to the ideals of the world. He advises people to, "not be conformed to the world. Be in the world but not of the world" (1 John 2:15--17). When you feel less than you are, ask. "Who am I, REALLY?" Then answer, "I'm a child of God and no one can outmatch that genealogy!"

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction. Her blog, "Chocolate for the Soul: Wisdom for Life" may be accessed at semissourian.com. She is the author of the book, "Wisdom for the Journey."