Applying TV's Nielsen ratings to church worship

My surname is Long, but I have been invited, along with my wife and children, to become part of the Nielsen family. Yes, that Nielsen family -- the TV ratings company. Nielsen helps decide the viewing content of television in America.

It's a little odd that the Longs were chosen. We don't watch much TV these days, although in years past we watched quite a bit. We're much more likely to be reading a book or watching a show on Netflix. I do like the old movies on Turner Classic or American Movie Classics, though.

I took in a 1933 film with Mae West the other day -- a picture made before the birth of either one of my parents. Terrible in almost every way. Yet the picture gave me a glimpse into the way people talked to one another in that era: "Say, what's the big idea?" "What are you so sore about?" "That's the ticket!" And the Nielsen family sent me $5 in cash to persuade me to agree to be adopted.

I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if Nielsen turned its focus away from television and toward the church. TV watching is certainly down from its heyday in the 1950s, but the same can be said for worship attendance.

I was asked to rate, on a scale from one to five, "one" representing not at all satisfied, "five" for extremely satisfied, the quality of TV programming today.

What about the quality of worship in America today? Bad question.

When you watch TV, that's all there is. There are no ancillary services. You hit your remote and move from one channel to the other. That's it.

But the church is about more than Sunday worship. One of the small churches I am privileged to pastor today has a clothes ministry and a food pantry. Larger churches have more opportunities and more aggressive ministries: hands-on missions to Central America, financial training, outreach to international students and Bible studies of every shape and variety. Evaluating church is a complicated task.

But let's stay with the bread-and-butter of church: the Sunday morning worship experience. A good question for Nielsen to ask is: Why do you go to worship? One of my parishioners said just last week that he goes to learn. I've heard people say they go for the music or the sermon.

Here's the thing: You can buy yourself a set of CDs on the Old and New Testaments that'll teach you everything you want to know about the Bible. One price for those CDs -- and no worry about that offering plate coming at you Sunday after Sunday.

Music? You can listen to surround-sound (there's an antiquated term) hymnody and contemporary Christian music in your home, unfettered by the sounds of crying babies or cellphones buzzing or people clearing their throats.

Sermon? The TV and the Internet carry excellent sermons as close as your remote or accessing a website.

There's got to be something else that drives so many people to their houses of worship, braving the elements, overcoming the protests of recalcitrant family members, and even your own weariness.

The secret of church is one another. Seeing people you care about, hearing about their hurts and their hopes, and they hearing yours. Add to it the chance to meet somebody new.

People that'll care about you from birth to death, who are simply glad you showed up -- and if you don't, they check in with you to say you were missed.

But that's still not the whole secret. It's being watched over by a God who loves us more than we can ever hope or imagine -- and who sent his Son to show it through death on a cross.

Evaluating church would be tough for my new Nielsen family to do on a questionnaire.