An etiquette guide for the single person giving, receiving gifts

There are two things single people can count on during the holidays: They will give more presents than they receive, and they will likely spend more money than a family will spend on them.

Call it the curse of the single -- a story as old as time that has been played out at birthday parties, wedding receptions and, of course, at Christmas parties.

It's an accepted fate for the unmarried, who feel obligated to give their married friends with families gifts: One for mom, one for dad, one for junior -- or some similar combination.

"Maybe Hallmark should invent a 'Me Day,'" joked Sarah Weidman, author of "Gifted: 1001 Gift Ideas for Everyone in Your Life."

Until that happens, she and other etiquette gurus say singles have to find another way to deal with it.

"If you're beginning to feel resentful about it as the single person, it's time to get into a different pattern," said Cindy Post Senning of the Emily Post Institute.

Senning, the granddaughter of etiquette goddess Emily Post, said singles should begin by following the three etiquette rules: respect, consideration and honesty.

"This is really one where the honesty comes into play. What if you decided to either cut back or change your pattern or stop giving, and you don't talk to your friends about what is the issue? They are going to wonder what's wrong," she said.

It's a step that Suzanne Gomez, 33, of Burbank took when her married friends started having children.

"Once they have kids, I tell them the presents only go to the kids," she said.

With her other friends and family, Gomez participates in "Secret Santa" -- where a person draws a name and then shops for a gift below a certain price for that person.

"With 'Secret Santa,' you get one person in your big family or friend group and you can focus on the gift," she said.

Senning said families don't intentionally "cultivate gifting inequity."

"I think families don't think about it that way. They probably don't even realize it."

Weidman said it is understandable a single person might be a little more sensitive to "gifting inequity" during the holidays.

But she pointed out families sometimes are as financially strapped as a single person around the holidays because of the number of gifts they have to purchase.

"Families have a lot to pay for too," she said.

When giving gifts to friends and their children, Senning said there were two things to take into consideration:

• Relationship. "If you're really close to this little kid, then you are not going to feel that inequity of gift-giving."
• Affordability. "What can your budget stand?"

If money is a bit tight, Senning and Weidman suggested buying one gift for the family.

"What is it they enjoy to do together?" Senning said. "If a family likes waffles, buy them a waffle iron and the waffle mix. They all benefit from the gift." she said.

Weidman said putting thought into the gift was important.

"You know families, just like singles, are busy. They get into the grind and sometimes they forget to do things for themselves," she said. "Think of something that they wouldn't think of doing for themselves."

For example, she recommended a membership to a museum.

"It lasts a year, it's something the whole family can do together and you get a tax deduction," she said.

She also suggested a portrait session at a photography studio or a membership to an "of-the-month club," such as video rentals or fruit.

In the end, Weidman and Senning said gifts are expressions of friendship.

"I'm single and I've learned to expect nothing," Weidman joked. "Seriously, you could be getting nothing. It's the gesture that really matters."