Advocating for Others: Surviving a suicide attempt

Lindsey Bauer says she believes God sometimes shields us from painful memories.

“I think, sometimes, especially in these situations, God doesn’t want me to remember exactly what happened and all the trauma,” she says. “It’s like there’s a block in my brain that will not allow me to remember the exact details.”

The Sikeston, Mo., resident says she doesn’t clearly recall the night of July 8, 2019, or the events leading up to it. That night, Bauer survived a suicide attempt.

She was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder at age eight and learned to manage her diagnosis into her adult life. She went to pharmaceutical school, married and had two children — living out the “American dream life,” she said.

In 2019, after a family vacation to Mexico, Bauer says she felt increasingly overwhelmed and “weak.” It was difficult to reach out for help, she says, as she felt the feelings were simply the stressors of everyday life.

“Sometimes, I feel people don’t know they need the help,” she says. “That’s been the big ‘wow’ moment for me. Sometimes, people are so far deep in their mental illness, they don’t even know they need the help, so they can’t reach out.”

Following the suicide attempt and her husband’s subsequent call to emergency services, Bauer woke up in a Cape Girardeau hospital, confused and initially in denial. While the medical staff provided her with the details of what happened, she says she couldn’t comprehend or remember it.

Her support system before and after the attempt remained the same, Bauer says; however, it wasn’t until afterwards that she truly realized the magnitude of their support.

“The difference was that before the event, I didn’t see that support system was there,” she says. “I knew that my family was there, but I kind of felt like people wouldn’t understand that I am struggling.”

The hospital stay extended into months of recovery, as Bauer relearned to walk, talk and eat. Two years later, Bauer has transformed the painful experience into a way she can help others. The mother of two often shares her story with others; she’s spoken with students at Sikeston High School and works with individuals in Washington, D.C.

Through therapy, she has realized isolating herself — and internalizing her negative feelings — made the situation worse. When speaking with her two young sons about mental health, Bauer says she often encourages them to talk about or write out their feelings.

Being vulnerable and willing to share genuine feelings is the first step to healing, Bauer says.

“No matter what someone else tells you, it has to come from inside you. So, you have to be willing to share, ‘Hey, I’m feeling really, really down,’” she says. “That’s the biggest struggle I see and I had.”

She now works in advocacy groups to prevent death by suicide, espeically concerning firearms. Bauer currently works as a project manager for the Firearm Suicide Prevention Grant, which was awarded by the State of Missouri to Bootheel Counseling Services. In this project, she’s identifying ways the Southeast Missouri region is impacted by firearms, as well as ways to prevent these deaths.

The grant provides funding for researching the “missing link” in decreasing suicides due to firearms. She explores the impact of storing firearms safely, providing mental health resources and emphasizing firearm education. In her research for the grant, Bauer says she intends to reach out to health care workers, therapists, police officers and other points of contact to individuals struggling with mental health.

While involved in the Firearm Suicide Preventaion Grant, Bauer says her own knowledge of suicide has been challenged. She says she was surprised to find that, oftentimes, it takes less than five minutes for a person to decide to end their life.

In discussions about these five minutes, Bauer suggests to always have a trusted contact on speed dial or place the National Suicide Prevention Hotline number on the lockscreen of the phone. Accessing resources and leaning on a support system is essential to addressing mental health, she says.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available 24 hours a day at 1 (800) 273-8255.

Hear Lindsey tell her story in her own words at the Survivor Stories event Thursday, Oct. 28, at 6 p.m. at One City, presented by Ramsey Branch Retirement Community and Cape Family Medical. Reserve your complimentary ticket at https://2021survivorseries.eventbrite.com, or watch online — no ticket needed — at https://www.facebook.com/semissourian.