7 tips for parenting a child with ADHD

Parenting a child with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is one of the more challenging, yet rewarding jobs a parent can face. I often hear parents tell me they literally dread the phone ringing during school hours. And I understand where they're coming from.

It's not fun getting a weekly (or even daily) phone call from your kid's teacher informing you of one negative behavior after another. So if you feel "traumatized" when the caller ID shows your child's school, you may find some of the tips below very helpful.

__Tip No. 1: Always stay calm.__

Remember that you getting out of control will only make matters worse for your child. It's easy to get frustrated when you get negative report after negative report from the teacher. But yelling or arguing with your child won't help and only makes things worse. Stay in control and directly give consequences for your child's negative behavior. Using straightforward consequences has a much bigger impact than yelling and reprimanding. Trust me, if the yelling and threatening approach worked, your child would already be a perfect rule follower, right?

__Tip No. 2: Provide structure.__

Children struggling with ADHD need structure. Structure in terms of daily routine, homework time, anything you can think of that lends itself to a routine. Children with ADHD often struggle in the mornings before school and in the evenings after school. And at school, typically some of the biggest problem times are lunch, recess for younger kids and other unstructured activity time.

And it's no coincidence that these are the most challenging times for a child with ADHD. So what can you do to help? For starters, create a morning and evening routine that you follow as consistently as possible. Have your child help you create morning and evening schedules that cover the main activities during both times. Also, try using a set schedule for homework time each day. This usually works best if you provide your child some "free time" to do a physical activity before starting homework each evening. And, sorry kids, video games don't count as physical activity.

__Tip No. 3: Choose reasonable and effective consequences.__

Parenting a child with ADHD can be rewarding, but it can also be very frustrating. Parents get tired of asking, begging, pleading about the exact same things over and over again. And it seems like your child just refuses to listen. I frequently work with stressed parents in exactly this situation.

Remember that consequences have a basic set of rules you need to follow for them to work effectively. They need to be given swiftly, be specific and have a time limit versus being open-ended. Parents who are highly frustrated often give big consequences for really long periods of time in the hope that this will finally cause the child to stop making poor choices. The problem is, this type of consequence is hard to follow through with. And when you don't follow through, your child sees you as a pushover and will continue to break the rules until you change your approach.

__Tip No. 4: Be consistent.__

If you always give consequences that are impossible for you to follow through with, you're making your job as a parent much harder than it needs to be. Consistency is key. If you want your child to listen and respect you as a parent, you absolutely have to show him that you mean what you say and you will always follow through when you give a consequence. If your follow through is weak, you will have to continue re-addressing the same behaviors over and over ... and over.

__Tip No. 5: Teach self-control.__

There are several easy, fun ways to teach self-control skills to a child. For younger kids, you can work together and make a stop sign out of paper and use a popsicle stick for a handle. Then use the stop sign to practice the "Stop -- Think -- Options -- Price" (STOP) technique. Role play different situations and help your child learn to apply these steps to make the most informed decision in a given situation. You can be creative and just discuss some example situations with older kids and help them work through different options.

__Tip No. 6: Build self-esteem.__

It's also important to remember that kids struggling with ADHD are used to getting in trouble. A lot. And, over time, this does impact self-esteem in a negative way. Make sure you take every opportunity to build your child's self-esteem in a healthy way.

__Tip No. 7: Focus on the positive.__

Last, but not least, always remember to catch your child "being good." Children with ADHD frequently hear about what they've done wrong or the mistakes they've made. But it's also important to catch them making positive choices and reinforce the positive behaviors. Remember, what you focus on, you get more of.

I hope you find these seven tips helpful when parenting a child with ADHD. Please share the article with other parents you think would benefit. Trust me, any child struggling with ADHD will thank you! And, as always, I'd love to hear your feedback.

Just email me at shannona@tenderheartschildtherapycenter.com.