Super Bowl ads, time change and North Koreans

OK, I am not the target audience for Super Bowl commercials. I feel sorry for anyone who is the target, but presumably they understood those multimillion-dollar ads. I didn't. And when I asked anyone in the right demographic to explain the ads to me, all I got was a shrug. It was one of those shrugs that said: "Sorry, you wouldn't understand even if I took the time to explain."

So, there it is. I'm over the hill. I apparently don't care for Doritos or Pepsi or Coke or Budweiser. Apparently I'm not constipated. And since I am willing to pay a competent CPA to prepare my tax returns, I have no need for tax-preparation software that won't charge me for filing those returns. But, then, who does charge for filing? Isn't the fee for the work involved in preparing the correct forms? Don't answer that. I'm just an old dodger with a diminishing brain. I wouldn't understand your answer, would I?

In spite of my shrinking lobes, I am still competent enough to pick a winner. I was for the Denver Broncos and Peyton Manning all the way. The quarterback -- old, like me, you see, at least in professional football years -- still has the spark. He still has enough moves, backed by a powerhouse defense, to outsmart that talented whippersnapper calling the plays for the Carolina Panthers. Here's what I know: Payton Manning's brain is probably addled by injuries that will manifest themselves for the rest of his life. Young Cam Newton has enough smart cells not just to know he's a great quarterback, but also to know he could, if he's really that smart, walk away from professional football and live the rest of his life spending the millions of dollars he has already acquired -- with an intact brain.

That's my soapbox for the day.

But there is something else we need to think about this morning as you munch your Frosted Sugar Flakes (a favorite of older Americans even if they should be eating Cheerios or hot oatmeal).

The other thing we need to ponder is what the heck North Korea was doing on Super Bowl Sunday.

A tense nation wondered if terrorists would pick Super Bowl Sunday for an attack of some sort. Fortunately, no such event occurred on American soil. But who was paying attention, really, to outer space?

That's where North Korea launched a satellite Sunday. U.S. military analysts suggested the North Koreans were testing a long-range rocket that might be armed with a nuclear warhead.

Come on, guys. Lighten up. It's becoming more and more obvious what the North Koreans were really up to. Their new satellite's orbit passed directly over the San Francisco stadium where the Super Bowl was played.

This, my friends, is one example of how far a rogue nation ruled by a goofball will go to watch the Super Bowl. The North Koreans, deprived of access to CBS and it's unending coverage of the Super Bowl, simply decided to go have a look-see for themselves.

There was, of course, one minor problem.

The North Korean satellite didn't make it to the stadium until the game had been over for nearly an hour.

Which leads me to my next point: This is what happens when you muck around with daylight saving time. Obviously, the North Koreans did not factor in our switch to standard time late last year, which means they didn't get to see Peyton Manning hoist the Vince Lombardi trophy after the game.

That, kind readers, shouldn't happen to anyone. Not even the North Koreans.

By the way, did you know daylight saving time resumes just one month from today? Then we will have until November to get our elected leaders to make daylight saving time permanent instead of switching clocks twice a year.

I know. That's a lot to ask.

Maybe we could get some outside help? Maybe someone like the North Koreans. We get them to the Super Bowl on time; they find a way to make daylight saving time permanent.

I'm all for global cooperation and friendship. Goofball leaders aren't all that bad.

We should know.

Joe Sullivan is the retired editor of the Southeast Missourian.