MISSOURI WATCH: ONE-LINERS IN A BOTTOM-LINE WORLD

I liked my country better when the president said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country" rather than "I did not have sex with that woman."

I liked television better when the news was delivered by Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite rather than someone who was born after the Vietnam War.

I liked politics better when a candidate was sincerely appreciative of a $100 contribution rather than some public official who spends most of his working hours raising as much money as he can as fast as he can.

I preferred professional sports when stars like Stan Musial and Mickey Mantle were paid salaries commensurate with their abilities rather than those today who are paid 20 times more than our president.

I felt comfortable when a governor of Missouri promised he would improve state services to schools, the unemployed, the mentally ill and the homeless rather than those who believe their allegiance is to those who financed their last campaign.

I liked churches better when they centered on the Bible rather than the latest psycho-socio babble disseminated by slick magazines.

I liked society better when its members not only knew how to be courteous to each other but practiced the art rather than those who believe it's "cool" to be rude and boorish.

I liked cars better when they went 55 miles per hour in a 55-mile zone rather than souped up versions that require an electrical engineer's degree to turn off the alarm system.

I liked driving better when the person behind the wheel realized the potential damage that was possible from road rage rather than the driver who vents his anger and frustration by staying six inches behind the car ahead.

I liked doctors better when they asked what was wrong with me before they asked how I expected to pay for their medical services.

I liked editors better when they observed their fundamental responsibility to the reader -- namely to present the news fairly and without bias -- rather than those who feel they have an obligation to spread their own prejudices.

I liked lawyers better when they looked forward to pro bono work as a part of their professional practice rather than those who collect their fees from the poor and minorities in advance.

I liked state legislators best when they recognized that 200 new laws every year might be an overkill of Big Brother and admit that correcting past mistakes might be all that's needed for awhile.

I liked members of Congress better when it was actually possible to speak to them individually rather than explain my concerns to half a dozen staff employees.

I liked congressmen better when they visited their constituents one-on-one rather than being accompanied by several assistants who perform every function possible for their boss except breathing.

I liked fast food better when it wasn't that fast rather than today's version that has all the taste of roasted cardboard.

I liked CEOs of big businesses better when they earned a salary that was merely 100 times larger than their lowest-paid worker rather than today's customary multimillion-dollar figures.

I liked my government better when it seemed to have a sense of its priorities to care for its most vulnerable citizens rather than an obligation to provide tax credits and loopholes for multinational business conglomerates.

I also liked my government better when it spent more for the needs of the average American and less for weapons of mass destruction that annually cost more than the entire budget of Germany, the third richest nation in the world.

I liked large cities better when they concentrated on civic improvement rather than escaping their own responsibilities by asking for assistance from those who never visit them.

I liked small towns better when everyone knew everyone else and not when the community meeting place is a shopping mall.

I liked Saturday nights in small towns better when the town band held forth in a downtown gazebo rather than when the kids drive endlessly up and down the same streets like crazed lemmings.

I liked both large and small towns better when drugs meant what was available by prescription from the pharmacist who also sold fountain Cokes and great chicken salad sandwiches.

I liked golf better when they didn't show it for days on end on television.

I liked society better when it treated the elderly with respect rather than a room without a view at the nearest nursing home.

I liked chicken better when you scalded and picked it yourself rather than picking up an assortment of frozen, tasteless pieces at the supermarket.

I liked it better when men wore hats and ties and women wore dresses and gloves rather than today's fashions that seem like walking billboards for goofy designers.

I still love being an American and a Missourian, and I can still shed a tear or two when I see our flag and hear the national anthem, but I can't shed the awful feeling that the good Lord above is shaking his head over our failure to be better than we are, to show the rest of the world the greatness that is in our nation and its people rather than the worst that we seem to engender.

~Jack Stapleton of Kennett is the editor of Missouri News and Editorial Service.