LETTERS: THANKS FOR INTERNET CURE

To the editor:

I would like to thank the area Internet service provider, LDD, which has been taking a lot of undeserved heat lately. In reality, LDD has done me and countless subscribers a very big favor.

Not long ago, I and other LDD users received a letter. The gist of it was that LDD was going to make some changes. The changes would have the effect of making an already wonderful service even better. Yes, I thought. Utopia is going to improve. Anyway, the letter outlined a number of steps subscribers should take in order to switch over to the new and improved version. Simple enough, right? Wrong.

You see, the letter apparently contained one or more errors. As a result, when we LDD-ites abided by the erroneous instructions, we were forced to experience immediate withdrawal from the Internet, a kind of computer-generated cold turkey. I confess, I was among those whose symptoms were most severe. As of May 7, the withdrawal continued, but the agonizing physical and psychological pay was subsiding. And I am beginning to understand that I am going to be the better for the experience. I am in the process of being salvaged from completely succumbing to the siren song of Cyberspace.

Rumors abound of a catch-22. On area computer whiz allegedly got onto the Internet some other way and found a set of LDD instructions to correct the errors. Others less capable than the computer genius and more totally dependent on LDD were left puzzling over the wisdom of LDD's apparent decision to place how-to-fix-it instruction on the inaccessible Internet. The problem seemed -- then, and perhaps even now -- beyond Bill Gates.

Those who stooped to using the archaic telephone to try to contact LDD were allegedly met with around-the-clock busy signals. Supposedly, automatic re-dialing failed to produce a breakthrough.

No one seemed to know the physical location of LDD's headquarters. Thus, thoughts of driving or walking there quickly receded. Besides, who was in any condition to do that? Beyond that, the question arose as to whether or not LDD was a real place. Perhaps it was only a -- what do they call it? -- virtual location.

Since the Internet was out of whack, e-mail couldn't be used. No fax number could be found. Oh, true enough, there was a P.O. box number and an address for LDD, but then again, was it real? And, if it was, who would stoop to sending -- it takes forever to get there -- snail mail?

However, three days into the crisis, when the sweating and shaking began to subside, it hit me. For some 72 hours I had though LDD operatives were conspiring to do harm to subscribers for some inexplicable reason. What could it be? And why?

Then the magic moment of insight. The LDD conspiracy was designed not to harm but to teach and ultimately help subscribers understand the drawbacks, pitfalls, even stupidity of over-dependency on Internet access specifically and technology generally.

LDD, I have learned my lesson. You put me and untold others through a lot, but it was for our own good. Technology may have benefits, but it is not our salvation.

Thank you, LDD. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Mere words can never express the gratitude I fee. Now get it fixed.

STEVE MOSLEY

Sikeston

EDITOR'S NOTE: Service was being restored this week to LDD's Internet customers.