Kids don't need exceptions, they need fortitude

My son has been pouting about a life jacket for two days. Summer has begun and so has day camp at the YMCA. My son wanted to attend this summer camp knowing that he'd get to swim every day. He's been taking swim lessons since last fall and has mastered skills like floating on his back and picking up toys at the bottom of the pool in the shallow end. But he's still working on treading water and swimming strokes. His form needs work. So, when the time came for summer camp, I wasn't surprised when he didn't pass the swim test. Hence the required life vest.

He's beyond disappointed. My son does just fine in the three-foot shallow end. He's 4'3" tall. I also recently watched when he lost his float noodle out from under him in the deep end and he swam to the side of the pool unassisted. But at camp with 50 other kids in the large pool, summer camp can't take that chance. He has to pass the swim test.

Here's the part that's hardest for parents. Watching the struggle. As much as I wanted to fix this for my son, I know that what he needed most from me was to hear his frustration, validate it and then encourage his perseverance.

Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.

Did I talk to the camp leaders? Sure. I explained my son's frustration and that he is in swim lessons and that it's hard for him to practice what he's learning in a life vest. But I also listened to the camp leaders and understood that my son's safety is their top priority. I talked to my son and helped him understand that we all want to keep him safe. I also told him that this was an opportunity for him to grow this summer. We can practice together during open swim and work on strengthening his skills.

In my conversation with camp leaders, I also learned that they anticipate this growth over the summer, and each child is swim tested at the start of each week. My son will have the opportunity to move up from being a "red" level swimmer who has to wear a life vest to a "yellow" level swimmer who can stay in the shallow end without a life jacket on and ultimately become a "green" level swimmer who can move freely throughout the pool without any restrictions.

Too many times when parents advocate for their child, they fight against the rules put in place to keep everyone safe. Parents want exceptions made. Many times, the best way to advocate for your child is to advocate for their growth by encouraging fortitude and perseverance. Help them learn to advocate for themselves. My son has been pouting. Each day I validate his feelings but also follow that up with, "did you ask for what you wanted or needed? Or did you just get upset?"

He just got upset. Granted, he's 7 years old; it's to be expected. But it's also the opportunity for him to learn that communication is key. He's not too young to learn to ask questions like, "What needs to happen in order for me to swim without a life jacket?"

Summertime may mean kids are out of the classroom, but life's lessons never stop. That's true for parents, too. Talk with the other adults, sure. But don't clear the path for your child. Stand next to your child instead and help them advocate for themselves while navigating the path in front of them.