Adopted children can present challenges

Dear Dr. Dobson: Are adopted children more likely to rebel than children who live with their biological parents? If so, are there steps I can take to prevent or ease the conflict? My husband and I are thinking about adopting a toddler, and the question has me worried.

Dear Reader: Every child is different and adopted children are no exception. They come in all sorts of packages. Some boys and girls who were abused or unloved before the adoption will react to those painful experiences in some way, usually negatively. Others, even those who were not mistreated, will struggle with identity problems and wonder why their "real" mothers and fathers didn't want them. They may be driven to find their biological parents during or after adolescence to learn more about their heritage and families of origin. I must emphasize, however, that many adopted children do not go through any of these personal crises. They take root where they are replanted and never give a thought to the questions that trouble some of their peers. As with so many other behavioral issues, the critical factors are the particular temperament of the child and how he or she is handled by the parents.

I hope you won't be reluctant to adopt that child because some special problems might -- but probably won't -- develop. Every child has his or her own particular challenges. Every child can be difficult to raise. Every child requires all the creative energy and talent a parent can muster. But every child is also worth the effort, and there is no higher calling than to do that job excellently.

Let me add one more thought. I knew a man and woman who had waited for years to adopt a baby. When a female infant was finally made available to them, they were anxious to know if she was healthy and of good heritage. They asked if her biological parents had used drugs, how tall they were, whether or not they had attended college, etc. Then, the father told me later, he realized what he and his wife were doing. They were approaching the adoption of this baby much as if they would have bought a used car. They were "kicking tires" and testing the engine.

But then they thought, "What in the world are we doing? That little girl is a human being with an eternal soul. We have been given the opportunity to mold and shape her as a child of God, and here we are demanding that she be a high-quality product." They repented of their inappropriate attitudes and embraced that child in love.

Adopted children, like all children, are a blessing from God, and we are privileged, indeed, to be granted the honor of raising one of his precious children.

Dear Dr. Dobson: When it comes to education, you have said the right factual information can and should lead to conceptual learning. But aren't you putting too much emphasis on the memorization process, which is a low academic goal?

Dear Reader: The human brain is capable of storing some two billion bits of information in the course of a lifetime. There are many avenues through which that programming can occur, and memorization is one of them. Let me put it this way. If you ever have to go under a surgeon's knife, you'd better hope that the physician has memorized every muscle, every bone, every blood vessel and every Boy Scout knot in the book. Your life will depend on his accessibility to factual information during the operation.

I strongly oppose the perspective held in some academic circles that says, "There's nothing we know for certain so why learn anything?" Those who feel that way have no business teaching.

Send your questions to Dr. James Dobson, c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80903. Dobson is the chairman of the board for Focus on the Family.