Wrapping up good ideas for everyone

My reputation as a cynical monster is going to be seriously at risk after this column, but I've been doing something everyone should try.

No, it's not another diet.

It's positive psychology.

There's a mental health movement afoot to stop focusing on fixing problems and start considering what's right about our lives. The human tendency, of course, is to fixate on what isn't fair, what you don't have, what other people did to you that wasn't right, etc.

But what if you could let go of all that and fixate on what is fair, what you do have and the great things people do for you?

I'm giving it a try. Raised by a wonderful woman with an unfortunate motto -- "expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised if anything else happens" -- I've lived my life expecting everything to fall apart at any minute. To get fired. To get divorced. To lose a friend.

Now, thanks to a psychologist friend using me as a positive psychology guinea pig, I'm doing a series of exercises geared toward making me focus on what's good in life.

I've become Stuart Smalley, a caring nurturer but not a licensed therapist.

Here's this week's exercise: Before I go to bed, I have to write down three blessings that happened to me that day.

So instead of thinking about some argument with a co-worker or how I'm going to pay my credit card bill, I go to bed thinking about the friend who invited me to the movies or the surprise fruitcake from Pop-Pop.

It was easy to think of a blessing for Tuesday. That was the day a teacher at Blanchard Elementary invited me to help the kids choose and wrap Christmas gifts for their families.

On Tuesday, I saw what's going right in public education: children who did their assignments and followed the rules so they could earn points toward gifts for their families. These children said "may I" and "thank you" and "excuse me." Even though the day was exciting for them, they hushed when the teacher quietly said, "You're making a bad choice."

But the best part was how they strolled from table to table in a storage room, studying the donated gifts to pick out the best ones for the people they love. "Do you think my mom would like that?" "Ooooo! I'm getting this for my sister."

Their arms loaded, they'd swarm my wrapping station. Poor kids. If only they'd seen the ones I did at home before they picked me.

My corners were crooked. The patterns didn't line up. I used too much tape, which isn't "invisible" after all. And, of course, all of them wanted to use that metallic, shiny paper that's so tough to work with.

("Maybe the moms and dads will think the kids wrapped the gifts themselves," The Other Half consoled me later.)

When it was all over, the kids didn't care that their gifts had been wrapped by a sweating, wild-eyed woman with no artistic talent. They lined up against the wall, waiting to go back to class, and admired each other's choices in paper and bows and gift tags.

For them, the best part of Christmas was behaving well enough to be able to get presents for other people.

See, kids don't need positive psychology exercises. They know how to appreciate the good things.

And watching their joy was the best blessing I could have this season.

Heidi Hall is managing editor of the Southeast Missourian.