Tired of winter? Don't 'curl' up with the Olympics

The Winter Olympics is upon us. Don't expect me to cheer.

I'm not wild about winter in the first place, much less an international festival of sports that encourages us to appreciate the finer points of snow, ice and winter parkas.

I've never understood the thrill of skiing downhill on a carpet of slick snow. The idea of watching such a spectacle is even more mind boggling. Only Green Bay Packer fans could get this excited about risking frostbite.

The Winter Olympics has sports like luge, a sled race in which participants race flat on their backs, and curling in which participants bowl with small boulders. There's also a biathlon competition in which participants fire rifles and ski cross country. It's sort of like winter hunting except that you don't get to kill anything.

The only real sport for Americans at Winter Olympics is ice hockey. But the Olympic brand doesn't look the same as the National Hockey League because the international competition is short on fights.

Salt Lake City is hosting the winter games. It has all the important elements like snow and ice. Why else would you want to be in Salt Lake in the dead of winter?

If you want to see the Rockies, just watch the beer commercials. It will give you a lot warmer feeling than being there.

The ancient Greeks didn't compete in the winter. They saw little reason to chill out.

The first Winter Olympics was held in 1924 in France. We've been stuck with snow-drenched sports ever since then.

Of course, wall-to-wall television coverage has made us more aware than ever of the sporting life in snow and ice.

My wife, Joni, is thrilled by the prospect of watching all those bobsledders, ice skaters and other Olympic athletes. She promises to watch it all.

She can keep track of it on the Internet too.

NBC, ESPN and others plan to document the 2002 Winter Olympics on Internet Web sites, providing us the most complete coverage of cold athletes and spectators in the history of the world. Even the "Science Guy," Bill Nye, plans to chime in, providing us insights on the scientific aspects of sports.

Perhaps, he should start with why athletes shouldn't be mistaken for polar bears.

The whole affair leaves me cold.

The biggest problem with the Winter Olympics is that it is in the winter when most people just want to thaw out. Retirees flock to Florida and Arizona to escape the cold.

Of course, there are those who like the snow. But most of them are children who pray for snow in the hope that school will be canceled for a day or two and they can go out and build snowmen.

Our kids couldn't be happier when it snows. Unfortunately, there is no Olympic competition for building snowmen or creating snow angels.

Personally, I could go all winter without seeing the white stuff. But Becca and Bailey like a few snow days. They don't have to worry about shoveling it.

Bailey, our youngest daughter, loves to make snowballs and throw them at me. The other day she stood out in the driveway before school trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue.

Before long, she grabbed some snow in her gloved hands and threw it my way. It was a medal-winning throw if I ever saw one.

If you're going to have a Winter Olympics, you should feature snowball fights. It's certainly more exciting than curling. Even the spectators would probably join in.

If nothing else, it might warm up the television ratings.

Mark Bliss is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.