STRANGER THAN FICTION: WHO SAYS `UNDIE-PULLING' IS A HABIT TO BREAK?

Most people feel invisible while sitting inside their cars.

We at the Southeast Missourian do our best to keep you readers on the cutting edge of scientific developments, so I'm including a special tip from "Ask Anne & Nan" in my body of work this week.

Anne & Nan's advice column comes to us once a week in a big pack of stuff from a newspaper syndicate. Since we already have "Dear Abby," the smiling twosome usually ends up in the trash, but I rescued one of this week's letters.

"Dear Anne and Nan," it reads. "I have often wondered why I have a problem with my underwear going up the crack of my rear end. Also, with some shorts I have the same problem. No kidding, this is serious!

"What would be the best kind of underwear to buy? I've tried many kinds. The kind I buy that work the best are those that support the tummy, but they are awfully hot in the summer. None of my friends seem to know because they don't have the same problem. If you could answer my embarrassing question, I'd truly appreciate it. -- Marcia, Waterloo, Iowa."

Anne and Nan's answer was pretty direct. They said Marcia's "undies" and shorts are too tight.

But other questions were left unanswered. Is Marcia the only person in Waterloo with this problem? Not that underwear creepage is a big topic of conversation with me, but most of my friends have made little jokes about it at some point. There's even a women's underwear commercial set to the tune of "Stuck in the Middle with You" by the group Steeler's Wheel.

Another question: Is Marcia an undie-picker? Having the problem is one thing. Doing something about it in a social situation is something else.

There is a whole group of people in our society who feel any sort of physical need can be satisfied in public. I've seen my fair share of undie-pickers in my day, but even worse are the male adjusters. These are men who, at any time of day, will make themselves more comfortable down south, if you get my drift. A fellow employee actually did it during a conversation with me and didn't miss a beat.

And it's getting to be that time of year when one of the most irritating of bad habits becomes commonplace -- relentless sniffling. Instead of simply blowing their noses, some cold sufferers choose to stall the inevitable by sniffing once every 15 seconds.

My friend Penny and I had a running argument over sniffing etiquette. She said all nose blowing should be in the privacy of a restroom. I said it could be done at one's desk, as long as one didn't place a roll of toilet tissue on one's desk and work from it all winter, something I've seen done. You make the call.

Bad habits tend to manifest themselves most in the car, a place where many people believe they are unseen by other humans. Nose picking, earwax gathering and intimate scratching -- even people who seem mannerly in public will resort to such activities in the privacy of their own vehicles.

Not me, though. Nosiree. I've read my Emily Post etiquette book, and you can ask The Other Half how mannerly I am.

No wait. Forget it.

~Heidi Nieland is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian.