STRANGER THAN FICTION: WHAT'S ROMANCE FOR GOODSE MAY NOT BE FOR GANDER

My best friend is in the middle of a male-related crisis, as are so many of my female friends.

After a long-term engagement -- and I mean long term as in decade-long term -- she and her man are inching toward the altar. She's picked out a wedding band, a dress and an open Saturday. He's contributed everything expected from the groom-to-be -- a proposal.

But my friend is having second thoughts. Lynn wonders if her man is romantic enough.

For example, Lynn's father makes a big event out of the first fireplace use of the season. He pops some popcorn, digs out a special blanket, beckons his wife to the living room and then lights the ceremonial flame of their love.

Then he and his wife snuggle on the couch, eat popcorn and enjoy the moment.

Lynn's fiance lit the first fire of the season at her house over the weekend. She woke up from a nap to find a charred log in the fireplace and her man watching a televised sporting event and eating ice cream straight from the container.

"I wit a fie-yo," he said, which, when spoken without a mouthful of butter pecan, is: "I lit a fire."

Of course, after 10 years of dating, Lynn wasn't completely surprised. But she's not sure she wants to make a lifelong commitment to a man who thinks "baby's breath" comes from the mouth of a child.

I think she needs to realize that there's a distinct difference between her father and her fiance.

First of all, her father is on his third marriage. Three adult women have had a crack at training him how to be romantic.

Second, her father is approaching his 60s. Men that age know they'd better keep the women they have, because unless they're loaded, they're probably not going to attract anyone better.

Third, her father has a daughter, which affects how men believe women should be treated.

But Lynn also should know that, in my experience, most men are more like her fiance than the heroes depicted in Danielle Steel novels.

I actually heard a male former co-worker say that he doesn't send his wife flowers at work because that'd be "showing off." Uh, is there any other reason for getting them, stupid?

And take The Other Half. I love him dearly, but the man had to be trained into sending flowers.

Here's how you do it. When you and your man are in a place of business and encounter a woman with flowers on her desk, loudly say: "What bea-OO-tiful flowers! Wherever did you get them?"

Of course, she'll be the wife or girlfriend of a romantically trained man, so she'll say: "Oh, my husband sent me those. It's our third anniversary."

Then you loudly say: "What a THOUGHTFUL man! You are VERY LUCKY to be married to a man who sends you flowers!"

After five years of marriage, Mr. Half is still in training. Now it's getting him not to laugh when he sees me in lingerie.

I'm not kidding. A few months ago, I invested in a tasteful peignoir. Granted, most lingerie in a size 26 comes in mu-mu form, but I thought this piece was pretty nice.

Mr. Half came in from working a late shift. I was draped in the bedroom doorway.

He looked at me with those gorgeous olive-tone eyes and said, "Man, I didn't even have time to go to the bathroom, we were so busy tonight! Just a minute."

That sort of killed the moment, but hope springs eternal, so last week, I flirtatiously beckoned him over to the lingerie department of my favorite store, held up an attractive piece and said, "So, what would you think of me in this?"

He replied: "Oh, Sweetie, you know that I find you just as attractive in sweat pants and a T-shirt as I do in that get-up."

WRONG ANSWER! A woman would like to think there's something she can do to make her man take a second look. And she'd also like to think the man isn't trying to get out of spending $60 on a nightie.

(Incidentally, the right answer would have been something like, "Hubba hubba!")

Of course, the other type of man buys his lady lingerie for every occasion, including baby showers, because it's really more a gift for him than her.

The most important thing to remember is that marriage is a strange and wonderful thing, and what works for you romantically might not work for someone else.

I know a husband and wife who have been together 40 years. On every special occasion, the husband calls his wife's favorite flower shop and tells the florist to send her an arrangement worth $40 or $50.

But the wife has it worked out so that the florist calls her and says, "You've got a $50 credit up here."

She picks out what she wants, thanks her husband PROFUSELY for his good taste, and their marriage goes on for another year.