STRANGER THAN FICTION: THERE COMES A TIME TO SPEAK ABOUT AIDS

Ben sat across the table from me, quietly listening to the details of my trip with Ted Fedler to St. Louis.

Ted and his roommate, Travis Clayton, have been friends of mine for awhile -- ever since I became involved with the AIDS Project of Southeast Missouri, which Ted founded. I've slowed down with the AIDS Project, but the two still let me spend an occasional evening in their home.

We talk about world events, Travis' Native American heritage, work, the weather ... and the fact that Ted has AIDS. We're not obsessed with the subject, but it comes up in conversation. We've watched Ted go from the picture of health to death's doorstep and back again, so it's hard to ignore the disease.

But Ben wasn't concerned about the details of my trip with Ted.

"Don't you worry about spending so much time around him?" Ben asked.

I requested a clarification.

"Don't you worry you'll get AIDS?" he asked.

I couldn't believe it. Ben is incredibly intelligent. He has a college degree, stays on the cutting edge of world events and routinely fields invitations to speak with professional groups.

And here he was asking if I was afraid I would get AIDS from hanging around Ted.

Yes, I worry I might get AIDS someday, but not from Ted. AIDS is transmitted through blood, semen, vaginal fluid and breast milk. The exchange of these fluids through sexual contact, blood transfusions, sharing needles or breast-feeding can result in AIDS infection.

The least of anyone's worries should be whether he stood by a person with AIDS (PWA) in a grocery line. The PWA would have much more chance of being hurt by your germs than you by his.

Thanks to Ted, I've learned a lot about AIDS. I count at least four PWAs among my friends. Thankfully, some of them have been open about their illnesses, how they became HIV positive, what made them get tested and what symptoms they have.

I learned that parents and teachers should educate kids about HIV prevention, not fool themselves into thinking the kids won't experiment with unprotected sex or drugs. Hopefully they won't, but maybe they will, and teaching them to protect themselves is NOT the same as granting permission.

I learned that men and women should make an HIV test part of their annual physicals, not ignore the subject or just hope for the best.

This year, at Ted's urging, I had my first HIV test. It wasn't easy going to the Cape County Health Department and having that blood sample drawn, and it took a long two weeks to get the results -- negative. But how could I go around the community, working in education for the AIDS Project, and encourage people to take the test when I never had one?

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes there is a time to keep silent and a time to speak. Now is the time to speak about AIDS if we want to keep our friends and relatives, and ourselves, from dying slow, painful deaths.

Please read the Lifestyles section in Sunday's paper. I wrote about Ted, Joey, Shelby -- PWAs brave enough to let the community learn from them. I wrote about the 15 kinds of medicine Ted takes to maintain a measure of health. I wrote about Shelby's fiance, who died of AIDS but lied to her about his illness.

There's no way I could do this subject justice. In re-reading the articles, I missed whatever it took to make readers care about Ted and AIDS the way I do.

Sorry.

Maybe you could make friends with a PWA yourself. They need our support, not our ignorance.

~Heidi Nieland is a member of the Southeast Missourian's news staff.