STRANGER THAN FICTION: THE BUCK STOPS HERE WITH THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE

My sudden fascination with President Harry S. Truman began with last month's airing of an HBO original movie about his life.

I have no life of my own.

After watching Gary Sinise play Truman and then doing some research, I discovered Missouri's only president gets short shrift in the history books. He didn't just drop the A-bomb. He had his faults, but he was a good man who cared about people and agonized over the decisions he made.

But this isn't about Harry S. Truman. This is about the U.S. Postal Service.

The Other Half, a huge fan of buying total junk over the Internet, discovered my newfound interest and told me e-Bay is a good place to find presidential memorabilia. Sure enough, we bid $4 on a genuine reproduction of a Harry S. Truman campaign poster. I thought it might look neat in my office near the framed Commercial Appeal with the headline "Death captures crown of rock and roll -- Elvis dies apparently after heart attack" and my certificate of appreciation for judging the American Legion's oratorical contest.

(Every interior designer in Cape Girardeau just shrieked.)

We paid the e-Bay seller $8 for the poster and shipping. I eagerly checked the mail every day waiting for its arrival.

It arrived, all right, but it looked like Godzilla attacked my mailman.

Seriously, there was a grizzly bear-sized bite out of the corner of the box and the poster. By way of explanation, the U.S. Postal Service stamped "DAMAGED IN HANDLING IN THE POSTAL SERVICE" on the box twice.

We e-mailed the sender. He hadn't insured it. Who would insure a $4 genuine reproduction of a Harry S. Truman campaign poster?

I went to the downtown Cape Girardeau post office May 16 and showed the damaged goods to a middle-aged man behind the counter.

He didn't apologize or even express the slightest bit of sympathy for my loss. I asked if there were a form I could file as a record of what happened. He said no. I asked if I had any sort of recourse whatsoever. He said I could talk to a supervisor. I declined and pointed out that Federal Express and United Parcel Service would have compensated me for my trouble. He said, "Yes, they insure your packages whether you want it or not."

I don't think President Truman would have put up with the utter disrespect for his poster. I think he would have said, "The buck stops here" and then tonguelashed that postman -- who is the employee of every taxpayer in this country -- until the man admitted there was a problem.

Unfortunately, I was too stunned to think and walked out muttering a dumb threat about calling the postmaster.

But now I'm thinking clearly.

The Postal Service has lots of competition these days, particularly from the Internet. The agency is losing so much money that it considered cutting Saturday service.

And so, Harry, I'm going to say something very un-Democrat and downright Libertarian.

Cape Girardeau Postman: If you don't start treating people the way they would be treated in the private sector, you will be out of a job. Customers are your lifeline.

Your agency already has formed an alliance with UPS. How far behind do you think total privatization is?

Shame on you for not treating your bosses better.

Heidi Hall is managing editor of the Southeast Missourian.